Can't Make Fun of Hannah Montana (May 6, 2009)

Just a while ago, I predicted that there would be a cereal for Hannah. Just today, I went into a Carnival supermarket in Claremont Mesa, and guess what I saw. Two boxes of Hannah Montana cereal for $5. I'm not making this up.

How do you parody the overmarketing aspects of this tween superstar played by Miley Cyrus. I give her credit for having talent, but isn't this getting a bit on the overexposed side of marketing Hannah? Every time I or someone other blogger comes up with another product to market Hannah's name, it becomes a reality. This is like Saturday Night Live coming to life. Huh?

Hasn't Hannah peaked yet? Saturday, Disney channel ran another marathon of Hannah episodes leading up to the premiere of Jonas, a sitcom about the Jonas Brothers. South Park recently made fun of the Jonases by having Mickey Mouse, the boss of the Disney empire, kick one of the Jonas boys in a painful place and knocked him down, then kicked him while telling him not to talk back to Mickey. Afterwards, Mickey told him to "Get the f--k up! Get the f--k up!"

You can't do that with Hannah because it's just mean. I guess it's okay to pick on teenage boys who are being used by the evil Disney empire to make them outrageous loads of money from the parents of the tween girls as South Park outlined in their sendup on the Jonas boys and Disney.

Spaff came up with a tastless song about Hannah recently on The Fump and I have to say that it's not only unfunny, it makes him look sick. Remember that Hannah is a 16 year old kid, not an adult, and it's basically uncool to poke mean fun at a child, unless you're also a child. I don't reccomend that you purchase any Fump CDs, especially volume 14, or anything written by Spaff. Spaff is just as bad as Michael Savage and Perez Hilton, two more morons I can't stand.

How do you make fun of Hannah? You can't. That's my answer. There's just no way to make fun of Hannah. The marketers are surfing the blogs for more ideas to put Hannah's face on a product. This isn't a joke. Money can be made by finding a product to put Hannah's face and name on, then selling it. You go to Target or Wal-Mart, and you find at least a dozen products with Hannah's likeness on it. It's been that way for two years. I don't remember Lizzie McGuire getting that much marketing. When will this end?

OK, marketers. Here's my suggestion for a Hannah product. Hannah Montana Canned Liver. Let's see if the tween girls will eat this product if she's on the product label, giving a suggestion of her "endorsement" of a product that is mainly loathed by children. How about Hannah Montana canned squid. Could be a collectors item that's traded through ebay.

That's all of the suggestions I'm giving out.

You know, while I'm at it, Clear Channel could do the same thing to promote their radio station evil empire. Just put its name on a product, list the names of the radio stations in a region, and it has an effective way to market its station clusters.

How about Clear Channel cereal? Fortified with 8 essential voice tracked vitamins. On the back is a list of all of the radio stations in the region where it sells the cereal and what formats they program, as well as listing the websites for each station.

Or how about Clear Channel radios. Each radio includes presets that are specially tuned to the local Clear Channel stations, and can't tune in other stations owned by other companies.

Maybe we'll see it next year.

Even better than that, let Disney buy Clear Channel, and rename it Hannah Montana Radio. Company slogan: "Only the Coolest Listen to Hannah Montana Radio."

Nah!