Tom Leykis: The Unsexiest Celebrity Women (November 2, 2007)

In a recent Tom Leykis show, he talked about the Unsexiest Women alive, mentioning that Sarah Jessica Parker is #1 on the list compiled by Maxim, followed by other celebrities including Britney Spears at #5.

The writers of Maxim did the ranking of the unsexiest women alive. The others in the top five were troubled British singer Amy Winehouse at #2, a women we never heard until this year. At #4 was the immortal Madonna, and at #3 was Sandra Oh (brother!).

What the list of Unsexiest Women alive are are a list of women somebody finds sexy, but a majority just don't think so.

Tom bets that most of the women think that Sarah Jessica is sexy and hot, and so might the lesbians, but that's about it. Most of the straight guys probably think that these women on the list are too homely to attract them, and the gay guys just don't think they're so fab-u-lous! The asexuals just don't care about how hot anybody is.

A caller mentions to Tom that Tori Spelling is also among the unsexiest women alive. Tom tells the caller that he and his buddy Gary had a recent misfortune of flying on a plane with with Tori Spelling. They were on a flight and she was sitting on first class. So were Gary and Tom. Tori was sitting opposite them. His opinion about Tori was that she wanted everybody to know Tori was on board as she talked loudly. She was also looking for herself in the tabloids to see if her face and her name popped up. I feel for you, Tom. Join the club. Tori used to be hot in the early days of 90210, but that's all in the past.

Word to Tori Spelling: you're not the most imporatnt person in the world. You're just a stuck-up snob with no talent or maturity to back you up. At least Farrah Fawcett matured. You on the other hand are still acting like a parody of your former teenage Donna character from 90210.

Other unsexiest women alive that were mentioned by the callers include Tina Fey of "30 Rock", whom Tom commented that she has a huge scar somewhere, but he didn't mention where. There's also Pink, whom Tom had the misfortune of seeing in person while in Tuscany when she was all unglammed up in a hotel; she came over to his table and asked him for a cigarette. I guess Pink stinks. I never found her songs interesting myself. She's a total bore.

Somebody thinks some of these women are hot, but it's probably not you that thinks they're hot.

Another caller suggests Jennifer Aniston as being among the unsexiest women alive. The caller comments that she looks like Tootsie's little sister, but I gotta admit she looks hot as a French maid. I didn't like the Rachel hairdo rave of 1995 when she was once new and hot on Friends. Another caller suggests Courtney Cox and Lisa Kudrow as being overrated and homely.

Another caller suggests Renee Russo, who a caller thinks looks like a transvestite and has the head of a man lion.

Another caller suggests Tyra Banks, who at one time was as hot as a pistol, but now is among the unsexiest women alive. Some people still find her sexy.

Another caller suggests Reese Witherspoon, a perfect example of why Tom hates American women.

Another caller suggests three: Melanie Griffith...what happened to her face? Another one is Celine Dion, who was never hot, ever! Tom suggests that her nose is almost as long as her waist. Another one is Fergie, the Black Eyed Peas Fergie, not the Duchess Fergie, but this one has a horsey face like Sarah Jessica Parker.

The caller also names Teri Hatcher, who just so skinny and her face is sullen and sunken. Tom tells her that she's saggy, a member of SAG. She used to be cute until she starred in Lois and Clark in 1994.

Another caller suggests Kristen Dunst, who looks oily and needs a shower.

Another caller suggests Nicole Ritchie, who looks like the Wicked Witch of the West.

Another caller suggests Fran Dresher, Cher, and Queen Latifah. Tom calls the last one Queen Fatifah. That Queen can rule my kingdom anytime...as long as I get her money in exchange, and that's all I want from her.

Another caller suggests Renee Zellwiger. In Tom's view: homely. Not even average.

Another caller suggests Paris Hilton, whom I never found sexy at all. Tom tells the caller that in her sex tape, Paris looks so bored. The caller says that she's just too thin. Why does anybody care about Paris Hilton?

Another caller suggests one that is might be completely asexual: Julia Roberts. The caller finds nothing interesting about this chick. He doesn't get it. There's nothing sexual about her at all. He also comments that she has flat buns, and Tom suggests that she should have starred in the Carls Jr. Flat Buns commercial.

Another caller suggests Catherine Zeta Jones. The caller has two words: man hands! Another one is Katie Holmes, whom the caller says she hasn't liked since Dawson's Creek. She used to be Cutie Holmes. Now she's Katie Homely.

Another caller suggests Tila Tequila on Myspace, whom Tom never found attractive. I got her linked from my Myspace page. I still have no clue why she's famous.

Another caller suggests Jennifer Lopez, or J-Ho as the caller suggests. She gets whiter looking all the time, like Michael Jackson. She looked hot during her In Living Color days, but she looks plain nasty, and her singing stinks too.

Another caller suggests Scarlett Jo Hansen, or whoever she is. I don't get her. Another one is Halle Berry, who has no sex appeal anymore since she got pregnant according to Tom.

Another caller suggests Gwyenth Paltrow. What is the fascination with her? Tom suggests that her mother Blythe Danner is hotter than Gwyenth.

Another caller suggests Jenna James, who he thinks looks horrible nowadays and looks like Keith Richards today.

Another caller suggests Shelley Long, who he never thought was good looking. Tom suggests that she's getting baggy.

The last caller suggested Lucy Liu. Tom says that she's crosseyed. Great body though.

It's too bad that CBS Radio dumped the Leykis show when they changed formats in San Diego and Phoenix as this was clearly one of the more entertaining hours of the radio in the past week.