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Sponsored Today By...This Month in 61 Magazine, the Fanzine for Senior Citizens...Dick Gets a New Pacemaker!Tom Takes a Long Summer Getaway From NBC! Peter Installs a Right-On Depends With Internet Connection! Dan Gets Down With His Far-Out Electronic Speaking Box! Morley Turns On To His Hi-Fi Stereo Hearing-Aid! Liz Wants To Do More Old Broad Movies! Special Guest Columnist Gary Lycan Is Da Bomb With His Radio Reports Hip-Hop Style! This Month's Fold-Out Centerfold Bob Dole! This and More in This Month's 61! Now available in newsstands at FedMart, Gemco, FedCo, GemMart, Montgomery Wards, Handyman, Kaleidoscope, Mayfair, Thriftymart, Unimart, White Front, and Walker Scott! An Embellished Behind The Scenes Look at SDN NewsAnnouncer: Say, kids, it's time for the Mr. Bill Show!Mr. Bill: Oh boy. Yay! I know we're going to have fun today because we're going to be publishing some news, yay! Mr. Hands: Say, Mr. Bill. Your best buddy wants to help you gather some news for your paper. Mr. Bill: Really? Who? Mr. Hands: Here comes Mr. Bill's dog. Mr. Bill: Oh, boy! Spot. Yay! He's going to help me run my news operation. Mr. Hands: Sure thing, Mr. Bill. Mr. Spot's first assignment is to fill up the inks in our printing presses. Mr. Bill: Uh, oh. I don't think Mr. Spot can do that kind of job. Mr. Hands: Looks like we're out of yellow ink. I'll just put Mr. Spot over here (puts the clay dog into the ink tube), and press compress. (Mr. Spot gets liquified!) Mr. Bill: Ooooh! Noooo! Mr. Hands: A perfect shade of yellow. That Mr. Spot sure does know his color hues! Mr. Bill: Now I need a new partner to help me with my news operation. Mr. Hands: Don't worry, Mr. Bill. Your best friend has agreed to not only help you, he demands to supervise you. Mr. Bill: Ooooh Noooo! He's going to be mean to me! Mr. Hands: No, he isn't. He's your best pal, Mr. Sluggo, and Mr. Sluggo says that you better type up that report right now (Mr. Hands crushes Mr. Bill's hands into the keyboard!) Mr. Bill: Ooooooh! Nooooooo! Mr. Hands: Why, Mr. Bill. It looks like you can't write the stories anymore. Mr. Sluggo has decided to replace you as the new editor of the news (Mr. Hands kicks Mr. Bill with his hand, and he flies to the door and sticks to it!) Mr. Bill: Ooooooooh! Mr. Hands: Uh oh! Editor Sluggo says that you better stock the newspapers onto the truck. Mr. Bill: But I can't Mr. Hands, they're too heavy (a stack of newspapers falls onto Mr. Bill and flattens him!) Ooooooh! Mr. Hands: Editor Sluggo now says that it's time for you to deliver the papers! Mr Bill: But I can't drive! Mr. Hands: Don't worry, Mr. Bill. I put the car into automatic gear and it will drive you (puts a brick on top of the gas pedal of the car facing a declining hill). Mr. Bill: I don't think that's a good idea. Mr. Hands: You better hurry along now. It's getting late. (Mr. Hands puts the car into drive and the car speeds down the hill!) Mr. Bill: Ooooooooh! Noooooooo! (the car crashes through the dead end fence and runs off the steep cliff!) Ooooooooooooooooooooooooo....... Mr. Hands: So, until next time, kids, Mr. Bill says (truck crashes and burns into flames) so long! Radio Quiz! (From 2000)Well, take the quiz, e-mail me your answers, and I'll grade you. Simple?True or False? A radio trade magazine is a periodical from ebay listing radios for trading between customers. A format is what you do to a radio station when you install a new operating manager. A disc jockey is a horse rider who is hired to deliver records to radio stations. The most desired format for a 35-64 age bracket is a wide variety of genres playing a mix of new and classic rock, jazz, country, world music, and folk. Britney Spears and Christina Aguliera are two flavors of Kellogg's Pop Tarts pastries. The most overlooked format to program in your area is a modern dance format. People actually like listening through songs they don't like in order to hear songs that they do like. When announcing a radio contest winner, you don't have to name what station the winner was listening to and what city the winner was calling from. When a song is worn out after peaking on the chart a month ago, it's ok to still play the song to death anyway. Classic rock is a format, not a genre. Alternaive rock is a genre that includes bluegrass and Americana. Dr. Demento is a phone-in advice medical radio show dealing in Alzheimers Disease and dementia as a mental disorder. You can play nothing by soft A/C and R&B and still call it jazz music. Country music excludes legendary acts such as Loretta Lynn and Johnny Cash. Old School music is a format of 50's and 60's kiddie records aimed at the boomers who were once kindergardeners. Classic Rock is a period piece, not a genre. Hip Hop music is named after the cartoon character Hoppity Hooper. When running a contest nationwide, it is necessary to make the presentation of the contest appear as if it's really local in scope. Sully and Scooter are characters featured in Nicktoons. N Sync is a plumbing service that drills out the roots that clog the drain pipes. Send in your answers to the address at the top of this page. 2001 Revisited: Afroman and 91XBack in 2001, one of the most popular radio stations in San Diego county was a little 588 watter called Premium 92.1, which was launched in May of 2001 and lasted just over two years.Why was it popular, even though that its signal just couldn't reach most parts of the southern half of San Diego county? It didn't suck like 91X did when that station was once part of the Clear Channel clusterf--k. One of the most requested songs that Premium was getting was one that the clueless music director at that time never played: Afroman's "Because I Got High", a song that also got airplay on Dr. Demento's radio show, which used to not suck until Talonian made the show into a pay stream. "High" is an anti-drug song, telling a story about a drug user who is paying the penalties of getting high too much. The music director at the time at 91X didn't think so, obviously, as he never understood what San Diego's alternative rock listeners were all about. Maybe they liked to listen to pro-drug songs like legalizing marijuana that 91X liked to play. 91X in 2001 was not "where new music starts" as their slogan states while the music director and Clear Channel continued to play gatekeeper, letting in the garbage Korn-like bands through for the most part. 92.1 at the time had been beating 91X to the punch by playing acts 91X isn't touching and songs 91X wasn't playing until other independent stations make them into hits. Clear Channel, 91X, and it's music director screwed the listener with that kind of shortsightedness towards alternative rock music. If the listeners don't find their songs on 91X, they found it on 92.1, or even on WLIR 92.7, which is now no longer in existance, but WLIR was one of my favorite radio stations I was listening to in 2001 because it didn't give me bullshit for an alternative music format. 91X played "Smoke Two Joints" by the Toyes and "White Lines" by Grand Master Flash, two songs that disagree with each other on drugs use. Why not "Because I Got High?" What a pussified hypocrite he was back then. Premium and later the launch of FM 94.9 in 2002 powered the fuel for San Diego's alternative rock audience to give the listeners two alternatives to 91X, leading to the departure of the 91X music director in 2003 when 91X's ratings finally tanked when listeners switched over to 94.9 under the guide of music director Mike Halloran, who's still at the station today as well as an afternoon deejay. Obviously, the idea of radio business to the former 91X music director was screwed up at best, being too much of a coward to stand up to Clear Channel, blacklisting some bands, and being to deaf to the changed music trends in alternative radio, programming 91X like a personal jukebox of a trainwreck. 91X's ratings were once high because there was no competetion before Premium showed up in 2001. Before Jacor flushed the Flash in 1998, 91X had competetion, but in 1996-98, both 91X and Flash began to suck as the changing tastes of alternative music went from grunge to electronica, the latter genre of which neither station changed to as the former genre faded into oblivion as a trend. Premium in 2001 had a Sunday night show hosted by Marco Collins where he spun an awful lot of new song variety. Fresh sounds. This is what people wanted to hear and the ratings for 92.1 showed it. My tape recorder had never been busier since the 1995-96 days of The Flash until the late Brian Jones was unfairly fired from The Flash in 1996 (by Luis Kaloyan the moron owner) as program director and both Flash and 91X became irrelevant in 1997. Right now in 2007, 91X is still trying to undo the damage caused by the former unnamed 91X music director, their former programmer and marketer Clear Channel which remains unconnected to San Diego's tastes today, the now-defunct Premium, and their current competetor FM 94.9. The ratings for 91X coninues to hover below the 3.0 rating level, sometimes dipping below a 2.0. Judging from their current playlist, the music director now at 91X needs to get some upbeat fun rock songs on and take off the minor-chord angry tunes from the playlist as those are driving away the listeners. One station that 91X could look up to for inspiration? Not 94/9, not 102.1, but dfsxradio.com, playing everything from Carrie Underwood to the Mulhollands, plus Dr. Demento acts nethier station thinks about playing. DFSX has been part of the San Diego culture since 2000, giving Clear Channel a major headache in online listening time. 91X should flush out the bad songs and adopt a WLIR-ish modern rock mix leaning towards dance-rock and eliminating the last hints of the awful grunge era of the 90s forever.
Robbers BrothersI'm pleased to announce that davesfunstuff News has a sponsor for this column today. It's those two brothers who keep advertising their engagement rings on several Cheap Channel radio stations in San Diego all the time!Robbers Brothers CommercialAnnoucer: Gyp and Steal, for Robbers Brothers. The World's Biggest Ripoff Ring Store.Hey, Gyp! How do we keep getting those suckers to buy our fake jewelry? Well, Steal, it really isn't that hard. Why is that, Gyp? You see, Steal, we buy this truckload of fake costume jewelry from the bankrupt Kaleidoscope chain that went under a few years ago at deep discounts, then we shine them up with faux polish to make the cheap nuggets glisten. Really. No wonder these fake diamonds look so real, Gyp! Then, Steal, we advertise that it's over 90% off the retail prices after we secretly mark them up so it's a bit cheaper than those expensive rocks sold at The Diamond Force. So that attracts all the guys thinking they're getting a deal when they're really being taken for a ride, Gyp. Yes, Steal. If you're a guy who can't find the cash to give your gal an expensive ring sold at that other place, just come on down to Robbers Brothers and well sell you a great-looking fake diamond ring for as much as you'd pay at that other place. But, Gyp, what happens when the polish wears out and the fake dull surface of the costume diamond is revealed? I got it all figured out, Steal. She'll just put it away in a drawer because the rock is do damn ugly that she'd never be caught dead in public with it on! Alright, Gyp. These fake rings are a great way to tell your girl "I love you but not enough to go broke buying you the real thing so I give you a fake ring for slighly less than I would pay for a real one." Steve, no wonder we're called the Robbers Brothers! Heh-heh-heh! Announcer: You can find Robbers Brothers right inside most of the local Fed Mart department stores. Give them a call for directions at 555-FAKE. What D.T. Listens To Hour By Hour/Day by Day (The Year 2001)Well, here's a breakdown on what radio I usually listen to as of 2001.
Monday-Friday:
Mon-Thu Night:
Friday Night:
Saturdays:
Sundays:
Mornings if I'm Awake in Order of Preference:
What D.T. Listens To Hour By Hour/Day by Day (The Year 2007)Well, here's a breakdown on what radio I usually listen to as of 2007. See how far time flies!
Monday-Friday:
Mon-Thu Night:
Friday Night:
Saturdays:
Sundays:
Mornings if I'm Awake in Order of Preference:
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