Editor: David Tanny
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D.T.'s Busy Preparing for the Vernalmas Holidays (Mar 19, 2004)Sorry for my absence. I'm busy buying and sending Equimas gifts to my friends and relatives all over the world. Thanks to online shopping, I don't have to deal with those obsolete malls that don't have what I'm looking for most of the time. I just got a bunch of gifts shipped at the Post Office just yesterday. Today, I'm wrapping up the Equimas presents for the locals here, or what's left of who I know here in this vast outland wasteland. Here's a partial Equimas shopping list for those I know of who can use a holiday gift:
Major Equimas Holiday Coming March 21stMarch 21st marks the day of gift giving and gift receiving, regardless of religious or lack of religious affilliation.Equimas Day is the day where Jews, Christians, Athiests, and others can exchange gifts without offending one another when a Christian mistakenly receives a Hanukkah gift or an Athiest receives a Christmas gift, or whatever. Also, the Equimas Shopping Season is where all the gift giving hype goes, not during the weeks leading into the quietest day of the year: Christmas. The Vernalmas Holiday season begins March 19st in 2004, and lasts a good 17 days until April 4th, the first day of Daylight Saving Time. The Equimas Shopping Season began February 28th, three weeks of shopping presents for gifts to give during the holidays. What holidays? Here they are, dude! Vernalmas Holiday Lineup 2004StaticMarch 20: Spring Equinox. This is where the holidays should be centered around! Why celebrate when the noontime sun is at its lowest in December? March 20: Equimas Eve (the holidays begin at sunset). Open just one Equimas gift tonight. Also, Dick Clark counts down to Equimas in Times Square...or somebody else does. Parties are everywhere. March 21 (always March 21): Equimas (sort of like Christmas, Hanukkah, Ramadan, and Kwanzai rolled into one for anyone no matter who you are to celebrate as one of over six billion individual neurological affilliates of Mother Earth) March 24: Global New Years Eve (new year begins at midnight the next day). Always March 24th. Parties are everywhere. March 25 (always March 25): Global New Years Day (the real new year starts here, but the old traditionalists insist it's March 15th). Floater: March 19 (begins anywhere from March 16 to 22, a Friday, depending on the calendar): Vernalmas Holidays Begin (Day 1-first Friday) The end of winter celebration days. March 20: Days finally as long as the nights most places March 21: Understanding all religious cultures day (you don't have to agree with them, just understand why they exist and live with them). March 22: Get an early jump on summer day. Practice the summer lifestyle...whatever! March 23: Get out of the house and play day. It's the end of cabin fever! Get a blowtorch to melt the snow! March 24: Feed the Homeless Feast Day. Better yet, give them a job, and a place to live until they can be on their own! The Vernalmas Holidays are not just a time for giving to the needy, it's a time to get them to pull their own weight. Face it. Just giving blankets and food don't do them much good for long (got that, KSWB and Clear Channel?) March 25: Gift giving from those who hibernated thru Christmas. March 26 (second week begins): Rock and Dance Party Day (sort of like Mardi Gras, but wilder, only we've already done our version of lent during the winter months!) Parties are everywhere. I told you that the Vernalmas Holidays are party time! March 27: Begin Christmas Shopping Day (the snow's melting, now it's the time to start shopping for Christmas before it gets too cold!) March 28: Reward yourselves with a family barbecue day March 29: Understanding Mother Earth's Wildlife Day March 30: Celebrate with beer day. Have a few beer parties with sports, music, and girls wrestling and other manly stuff or something! March 31: Exchanging Jokes With Folks Day. Not really April Fools, but close to it. April 1: Springtime rekindle your love day (Valentines Day without the winter blahs!) April 2: Baseball card collection day April 3: Spring cleaning your home day. Invite your relatives to undo all the damage to your place after staying with you for two weeks! April 4: The Return of Evening Daylight, Parades, Parties, Fireworks, and family fun! Happy Holidays! Happy New Year! March 25th, 2004, in the Gregorian Calendar converts to Aqua 1, 2008 in the Milleian Calendar. In the Gregorian Calendar 2004, the Milleian New Year's Day is March 24th due to a leap year quirk that's too complex to explain in this short notice. King Tanny and friends are celebrating the mega spring holiday break and will return to this website on April 5th, 2004. Meanwhile, I, Wayne Lewis, an assistant to Tanny, is just webmastering this and a few other sister websites for the time being, but Tanny's columns will return when he does. Meanwhile, scroll down for some new items that sproadically have come in. Tanny will be sending us a diary of his holiday adventures if and when he gets back (did I say "if"????) Whoops. I think I've given too much away already. Last year in March 2003, Saddam Hussein received an early Equimas present courtesy of our United States military forces early Thursday morning on March 20th, Equimas eve, the night when Santo Pedro and his 13 flying buffalo (where do you think they get Buffalo Wings from?) with help from his Little Men (not elves!), delivers toys for all the good little boys, little girls, and little kids of other genders. Meantime, I will be on vacation for my two week Vernalmas holiday break as I'm getting ready to celebrate the holidays that come around March 20th with my family and friends over in the El Zona realm. My associates will be taking over my website clusters as they will update the pages with letters and scoops that you the reader be so kind to send to this website. Support our troops and once they come home, we'll give them all a celebration of a belated Equimas holiday here in the Outland areas. Happy Holidays. David Tanny, the King of San Diego. |