Rerun Time: K-G-Bore's Silly Annual Fireworks Show (6-4-02)

Everyday, a fireworks show takes place every minute when you listen to DFSX Comedy and Alternative Rock and Country Radio available on live365.com, without risking your body to harmful noise and fire. Dr. Demento also puts on a fireworks show on fine rock stations in AMERICA such as KOZT and WKIT to name two.

Did I say AMERICA? Where is San Diego? In the Outland part of AMERICA area, of course, with the fitting slogan "America's Behindest City," so far behind that they celebrate the Gay Pride Parade a month LATE! Geez, can't San Diego get anything right? Radio stations and gays can't seem to keep up with better America.

Radio stations in the Outland, getting to the subject, are doing music wrong, thanks to Clear Channel with its tightening grip on the lack of music exposure while filtering through predictable stuff you've already heard again and again, such as the ever worsening KGB-FM.

Sure, KGB is finally playing the three-year-old Santana hit "Smooth", but that doesn't qualify the station as being among the greats of KOZT, WKIT, KLOS, or any real rock radio station for that matter.

KGB, like San Diego, are both BEHIND in AMERICA! Which leads to a future intriguing subject "Are Oldies-Only Stations Obsolete?" Back until 1980, there were no oldies stations. They were in vogue back in the 80's, but with file-sharing and Internet radio playing variety from both past and present, all-oldies niches on commercial radio is in danger of extinction.

KGB, like all oldies-only stations, are part of a dying trend, along with daytime soap operas and audio CDs. They did themselves silly again last Friday night at the stadium formerly known as Jack Murphy Stadium.

KGB's 27th Skyshow: Is It The Best They Can Do?

Back in 1979, I once could proudly say that KGB 101.5 was the raving fave on the dial, but today in 2002, not even their annual fireworks show at some corporate-named station can light up any interest in giving this station a regular listen.

Let's take a brief look at what KGB was back then in 1979 when it was at its peak, and in 2002 when it's KGB in name only, it's just not KGB anymore, in fact, it hasn't been KGB since it went dinosaur rock in 1991.

In 1979, KGB had a enthusiastic progressive rock and roll format, playing selected album cuts of the best rock albums of today, with exciting enthusiastic personalities behind the mikes hosting each of the shifts; that was back when the people who worked at KGB really cared about the music...because they were competeting with KPRI 106.5 at the time!

In 2002, KGB is a pathetic shadow of its former self. Dave, Shelley, and Chainsaw are there solely for the purposes of propping up their lowly ratings for the other dayparts, unemotional voicetracking is rampant overnights and on weekends (as well as on Star and Sets I have to add) giving the station a stale robotic feel.

In 1979, KGB's worst promotional nightmare was Ted Giannolis ankling the station (or fired whatever it was) and KGB trotting out its "Replacement Chicken" at San Diego staduim during a Padres game to jeers and boos. Ted gave rebirth to "The San Diego Chicken" to a standing ovation the following month.

In 2000, KGB's worst promotion so far is the unfunny commercial series of Dave, Shelley, Chainsaw, and Rick Rockwell doing some tribute to his "Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire" stunt some four months ago. Is this the best these top-rated morning show hosts can do for a station plug?

In 1979, great programming brought in the listeners.

In 2002, cheap gimmicks, controversial stunts, and bad commercials don't seem to be bringing back the listeners that defected somewhere else.

In 1979, you could listen to KGB everyday and get something new out of it.

In 2002, just listen to KGB for eight hours one day out of a month; you're not missing anything new since they're not playing anything new.

In 1979, KGB once had exciting weekend and weekday night specials, even the Humpday Special.

In 2000, KGB has voicetracked weekend shifts, reruns of old Rockline episodes, and the usual dinosaur rock most of the other times. (not sure if they're doing it in 2002, but I'm too busy listening to Go Loco on 92.1 to bother checking.)

In 1979, KGB had a fun-oriented morning show with plenty of rock and roll to start your day.

In 2002, KGB has a lot of talk in its morning show, using recycled skits and material over and over again. Abromowitz as the fall guy will be funny the day that hockey's Stanley Cup final is the highest-rated sporting event for the year.

In 1979, Radio people were music-oriented from the owners all the way down to the janitors.

In 2002, Radio people are strictly business-oriented, and the quality suffers.

In 1979, I could say that the fireworks were a celebration of how good radio station KGB was.

In 2002, I'm saying that not even the fireworks show can mask how dated KGB's sound has become.

In 1979, I could tell my friends to listen to KGB.

In 2002, I tell everybody on the Internet a better rock station for you to listen to on the Internet.

In 1979, KGB had a preset on my car radio.

In 2002, A Mexican rock station occupies the preset once used for KGB.

So when you folks go to the KGB sky show, just think to yourself, back then this was once a great rock station back in 1979, and after the fireworks is over, feel free to pop in one of your favorite rock artists' CD that KGB is ignoring as you drive home.

Will KGB ever shape up? Will it move up its classic rock period piece forward one year? Will it make their morning team play rock music during the mornings? Will we see another tasteless billboard publicity stunt from them ever again? And....what about Gabby Powana! Will he ever host Brainstorm again....and...will Dr. Demento ever return to the San Diego airwaves....and...will anyone from KGB interrupt its dinosaur rock broadcast to announce that the classic rock format was all a dream and return to active album-oriented rock and roll?

Don't hold your breath, folks.

How KGB Can Go From Worst to First (Oct 2000)

It has been ten years since KGB made the mistake of dropping any future new rock and roll songs that have been coming out in favor of a limited-appeal niche that doesn't do justice as far as upcoming rock and roll musicians are concerned. Believe it or not, there is no modern era/traditional rock and roll station in San Diego. KGB is 60's-70's era rock. KIOZ is active/hard rock. KPLN is Top 40 rock. XTRA is popular alternative rock. KXST is AAA rock. Where is there a rock and roll station in town I can tune into where I don't have to listen to lousy rap-rock and hard metal on KIOZ, grunge on 91X, wimp rock on Planet, chick folkers on Sets, or burned-out "nonclassic" rock songs all on station? Answer: none.

KGB could, instead of just dishing out the same menu of songs every day, could easily retool the format to include a sizable chunk of 80's, 90's, and today's traditional rock and roll songs, about 1,000 rock hits or more. with emphasis on new songs like what Sets 102 is doing, but with an edgier angle without sounding scary like KIOZ.

All KGB has to do is to dump the program director and replace him with a real rock and roll music expert with a through knowledge in today's happenings and trends of rock and roll music, being totally connected with the San Diego rock scene, and has a pulse on the heartbeat of what the average San Diegan wants to hear and doesn't ever want to hear again. (hint: don't look at me, I got enough jobs to do as it is and I'm not even married!)

Let's take a look at the previous Evalutron(tm) ratings from the Summer of 2000:

freq  calls   format     score  rank
 95.5+KLOS-FM Classic Rk 12      3
101.5 KGB-FM  Classic Rk  5     32

Anyway, let's break down the scores to see what KGB is shortchanging itself:

 FREQ STATION FORMAT    PERF  ATTI  NICH  RISK  BONUS        GRADE
 ---- ------- ------    ----  ----  ----  ----  -----        -----
101.5 KGB-FM  Classic Rk  2     1     1     0   Rockline        5

Attitude: 1. This is APPALLING from a station billing itself as a World Class Rock station! Lose the bad attitude jocks and get rid of that automated hard drive Prophet system. You cannot call yourself World Class with a score like that!

Nich: 1. Where's the variety of rock and roll I'm hearing on the other stations? Even on stations I'm hearing on the Internet from other cities there is more variety that can easily be tolerated and embraced by the locals here! This direction KGB is taking is so narrow that Calista Flockhart could fit right through it! Where's Phish? Bon Jovi? Three Doors Down? Vertical Horizon? Mark Knopfler? Paul Simon? Matchbox 20? U2? (the newer songs) Where's Santana? (again, the newer songs) This station is missing out on rock variety that I'm hearing on free-form KLOS during Jim Ladd's nightly shifts. Even Star 100.7 is playing the kind of rock songs KGB should be playing...sans the "Chop Shop" edits and all the yakking into and out of the songs (KGB is also faulty for that as well as Planet-FM!)

Risk: 0. They're just not taking chances, so that costs them a grade. Stations earn high points by taking chances in presenting new compatable formatted songs in the mix. This is broadcasting, not live365.com!

Bonus: 1. Rockline is the only credit they're earning. Perhaps they could use a weekly rock and roll countdown show. A weekly block of album sides. A Saturday Morning progressive rock rewind program featuring deep album cuts from the 60's and early 70's era to replace the stale taped KGB morning show. And, of course, Dr. Demento. That's 4 points right there for all four additions!

BTW: Still no Los Angeles radio station airs Dr. Demento, so listeners in that area could have a reason to listen down here.

But the most a station can earn is 15 with three bonus points maximum, so let's give San Diego a rock and roll station they can be proud of, rather than a station they can just settle for.

Instead of making excuses, it's time for making changes. Would KGB like to get an 7-8 rating during the off-morning hours, or settle for about a 2-3 rating like they are now? The choice could not be more clear!

Time for a Brand New KGB

A new program director will set the new updated tone of KGB as it addresses the male 25-54 listener's preferences of rock music in the Internet era; the status quo way of pigeonholing such a lucrative demographic as listening to period-piece rock only is an insult to our intelligence. They buy new music from the artists they grew up with; they buy quality new rock and roll CD's; they enjoy classic rock songs, but no more than once a month for a particular big hit; they follow sports; they watch TV and drink beer; they enjoy fast action movies and have mega-sized stereo systems; they use computers; they drive big trucks and SUV's; and they're smart enough to find a good streaming rock and roll radio station on the Internet. It's time KGB set the tone to reflect today's taste of this demographic.

A new music director will be totally into the newest adult-aimed rock and roll music of today. Why do you think Sets 102 has been around so long? KGB could make a rockier version of the music mix without the metal noise and rock rap found on 105.3. This way can work in San Diego. Hire somebody who works at MP3.com or another Internet-based new music rock and roll dot.com and have that person create a music mix addressing the missing void in San Diego.

A new promotions director will utilize the "Brand New KGB" concept into their TV spots and billboards. Emphasize "New Rock Music" for the grown-ups. Let them know that there's a KGB playing new rock and roll music in 1/2 second. Use witty goofy concepts in the TV ads (refrain from using Media Hogs such as Rick Rockwell and Colby, which have nothing to do with rock whatsoever) and be creative. You want people to tune in to KGB, don't you?

And you're not done yet...HIRE MORE LIVE DEEJAYS! Dump the Prophet system. If you must keep Phil Hendrie, put him on overnights.

Remember the bottom line? The only real way to increase that is to simply get MORE listeners! And the only way to get more listeners is to address their needs and act upon them. Why not use the Sky Show to announce the new KGB to some 71,000 watchers in the stadium?

It's time for a new KGB. Don't sit on it any longer! It may soon be extinct.