DFS News Going On Vacation (March 12, 2002)

With the shopping season in full swing, Vernalmas decorations are all over the homes, bushes, storefronts, and even cars sporting the upcoming annual festive season celebrating the sun's return to dominance as last year's winter gives way to the first season of the new year, spring.

DFS News would like to be the first to wish all of you readers a warm Vernalmas holiday season. Hope Santo Pedro gives you the gifts you asked for him to bring you on Equimas Eve (March 20th). You know who Santo Pedro is, right? He rides a flying wagon with eight beefy buffalo. He don't need no sissy tiny deer hauling his big ass wagon in the sky to give presents to all the good boys, girls, and whatevers.

Where will D.T. go this holiday season? Probably not El Zona since a lot of redneck males there are mad at him for ridding the area of the fluffball "Britney Spears" disease on their formerly bubbleheaded wives, who are now too smart for them and are now henpecking the guys and making them miss watching their games on TV. The scientists are trying to come up with a solution to this mess, but so far, no luck.

Not much has come in about radio news in the El Zona region, but one thing for sure: all of the Clear Channel radio stations running parallel to El Zona have their signals blocked by the locals in the area...even KOGO's signal is jammed with some kind of Lawrence Welk format of some kind on 600 over there!

Anyway, we'll see if we can get some scribes in El Zona to send in some Vernalmas stories along the way. Meanwhile, D.T. is planning to take a vacation sideways in time, whatever that means.

By the way, if you go partying out during the Vernalmas holiday weeks, remember to never ever drive drunk! If you do, and you get killed in a crash, we guarantee you that we will never hear from you again, not even in the other realms.

Vernalmas Holiday Season Coming

The Vernalmas holiday season is the celebration of the sun's return to dominance in the Northern Hemisphere when the days are longer than the nights, as well as being warm enough to participate in the celebrations associated with the two week holiday season such as Equimas family gatherings (when its not too cold anymore to travel to most of the U.S.) and the midnight celebration of the new year (March 25th).

The Vernalmas Holiday season begins this year on March 15th at 5pm and runs an extra day due to April 1st falling on a Monday this year. The rule is that the first guaranteed full day of spring, on the 21st every year (the 19th or 20th is partially winter depending on year), falling on Thursday this year, has to be included in the Vernalmas Holiday season.

While the Christmas holiday season is very hectic, overhyped, commercial, and exploited for the use of a buck, the Vernalmas season remains quiet and unknown but the few noisy party makers who are not told by anyone how to celebrate the season. They don't have to buy presents for 27 people they don't know, but they can with their tax refund checks. They don't go into deep debt or feel they have to do anything during the season. They don't have to entertain the kids (but the second week of the Vernalmas season is Spring Break this year, so they may have to whether they like it or not). They don't have to get drunk or eat like a pig. They don't have to take two weeks off during work and if they do, they don't have that many people to compete with to take a two-week vacation for since most people don't know about the Vernalmas holiday season anyway.

The Vernalmas Holiday Season: the best kept secret in the world...at least for now. Celebrate it however you wish.

What Holidays Are Celebrated During Vernamlas?

March 15th: Vernalmas Holidays Begin (Day 1-first Friday) The end of winter celebration days. (we already mentioned that it's Big Family Day II earlier in honor of the debut of Eight is Enough in 1977. there's also the original Big Family Day in honor of the debut of the Brady Bunch on Sept 30, 1969)

March 16th: Vernalmas Holidays (Day 2-first Saturday) Days finally as long as the nights most places

March 17th: Vernalmas Holidays (Day 3-first Sunday) Understanding all religious cultures day

March 18th: Vernalmas Holidays (Day 4-first Monday) Get an early jump on summer day - go to the beach and get a tan!

March 19th: Vernalmas Holidays (Day 5-first Tuesday) Get out of the house and play day

March 20th: Earth Month Begins (thru Earth Day). Also First Day of Spring/Spring Equinox (northern-hemisphere most years) Always on March 20th!
March 20th: Vernalmas Holidays (Day 6-first Wednesday) Feed the Homeless Feast Day

March 21st: Vernalmas Holidays: Equimas (sort of like Christmas, Hanukkah, Ramadan, and Kwanzai rolled into one for anyone no matter who you are to celebrate as one of over six billion individual neurological affilliates of Mother Earth) Always on March 21st.
March 21st: First Guaranteed Full Day of Spring (March 19th or 20th has partial Winter in some years and places which is too technical to explain here; it would easily take 27,000 words to explain it all!)
March 21st: Vernalmas Holidays (Day 7-first Thursday) Gift giving from those who hibernated thru Christmas

March 22nd: Vernalmas Holidays (Day 8-seond Friday) Rock and Dance Party Day (sort of like Mardi Gras, but wilder!)

March 23rd: Vernalmas Holidays (Day 9-second Saturday) Begin Christmas Shopping Day (the snow's melting, now it's the time to start shopping for Christmas before it gets too cold!)

March 24th: Vernalmas Holidays: Global New Years Eve (new year begins at midnight the next day). Always March 24th

March 24th: Vernalmas Holidays (Day 10-second Sunday) Reward yourselves with a family barbecue day

March 25th: Vernalmas Holidays: Global New Years Day (the real new year starts here, but the old traditionalists insist it's March 15th). Always March 25th.
March 25th: Vernalmas Holidays (Day 11-second Monday) Understanding Mother Earth's Wildlife Day

March 26th: Vernalmas Holidays (Day 12-second Tuesday) Celebrate with beer day

March 27th: Vernalmas Holidays (Day 13-second Wednesday) Exchanging Jokes With Folks Day

March 28th: Vernalmas Holidays (Day 14-second Thursday) Springtime rekindle your love day (Valentines Day without the winter blahs!)

March 29th: Vernalmas Holidays (Day 15-third Friday) Baseball card collection day

March 30th: Vernalmas Holidays (Day 16-third Saturday) Spring cleaning your home day

March 31st: Easter Sunday (the Vernamlas Grand Finale is delayed one day because of the biggest holiday in the Christian calendar...HE IS RISEN!

April 1st: Vernalmas Holidays Ends; (Day 17-third Sunday except when Easter falls on March 31st) The Return of Evening Daylight, Parades, Parties, Fireworks