SDN 2002 is Brought To You By...

"I've just about had it up to here with your jokes about me on your radio reports! Cuter than Jazmean Bleech? No way, Jose! I'm damn cute! I'm cute, cute, cute, cute, cute, cute, cute, cute, sexy, cute, cute and cute! Get it? Got it! Good it!"

And by Valerie Bertinelli: She's So Cute, She'll Make You Puke!
Al Gore, inventor of the truth serum!
America Offline. You've Got Busy Signals!
And by "Boy" George W. Bush - "Do you really want to hurt my campaign?"
And by "Gideon's Crossing" - "F--- the Commercials! It's All Program!"
And by "Weird Al" Gore! - "I was the man who invented the Accordion!"
And by After Christmas Day: "The Biggest Day For Present Exchange Ever!"
And by Al Gore: "The Inventor of Daylight Saving Time!"
And by Al Gore: "The Inventor of Halloween!"
And by Al Gore: "The Inventor of The 1998-2000 World Series Champions, the New York Yankees!"
And by Al Gore: "The Inventor of The Forest"
And by Al Gore: "The Inventor of the Lie Detector Test!"
And by Al Gore: "The Inventor of The NFL!"
And by Al Gore: "The Inventor of Time, Space and The Universe!"
And by Alyssa Milano -- she's the cutest of all on WB's "Charmed", also opposite "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire!"
And by Bush 'n Cheney: Because D*ck 'n Bush Sounds Too Funny!
And by Chad Everett...keeping you from voting for more than one candidate at a time!
And by Clear Channel Communications: Mass producing cookie-cutter radio for cookie-cutter people!
And by David Tanny who has to set his f@#kin' VCR recorders in order to tape them all...while he watches UPN!
And by Firestone Exploding Tires: Now being used by the U.S. Armed Forces in warfare battles. Sure beats hand grenades! Kaboom!
And by George W. Bush - "All imports come from outside the United States!"
And by George W. Bush: "I Prefer To Eat At Subwayinable, watch Sabrinaminal, and listen to Sublimeinable"
And by George W. Bush: "I Think I Am Electitable!"
And by George W. Bush: "I Think I Can Beat Gore by a Percentage Of 70 to 50!"
And by Gideon's Crossing - "Don't Lose Your Fire, It's Who You Are!"
And by HDTV Dinners: Now twice as wide as our TV Dinners!
And by Jim Ladd: "Lord, Have Mercy!"
And by KGB Radio: "Yup, We're Dinosaurs Who Play Outdated Rock and Roll!"
And by Mick Jagger: "Just Read My Lips, Bush!"
And by Mila Kunis -- she say she's the new Valerie Bertinelli in "That 70's Show" on Fox, also opposite "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire!"
And by Pac Man: No reason, I just like playing ancient video games!
And by Pacific Hell - "We Can Screw With You Any Damn Well We Please!"
And by Pay-Per-Viewmaster: A Toy You Have To Insert a Nickel Into Everytime You Want To View Something!
Autumn - "Come to nature and watch everything die!"
Black and White TV Dinners: Still Have a 50's Philco? No Problem!
Britney, Christina, and Jessica: They're Not Just Pop Princesses, They're Professional Cuties!
Canned Squid. Why? We just like to mention it, that's all!
Census 2000: We Know What You Are, Who You Are, and Just What The Hell You're Trying To Pull
Christmas Day is brought to you by Jesus Christ: Receive him and let him guide you away from the commercialism overhype of the holiday and back into a quiet peaceful celebration the way it was meant to be.
Christmas is brought to you by Jesus Christ. Joy to the World, The Lord is Born, about 2004 years ago, and still the most influential teacher mankind has ever known.
Clear Channel Communications - "We Don't Know What Great Radio Is...We Just Automate It!"
Clear Channel Communications: Manufacturing cookie-cutter pre-taped radio for the masses!
Clear Channel Communications: Mass Producing Computerized Radio For The Masses!
Compaq-Man Arcade Game Computers - Buy a $2,700 1GHz loaded computer, and play Pac-Man a million times faster!
Crapster: Trade your lousy MP3's of John Tesh and Barbra Streisand songs through the Internet in the privacy of your own home!
David Tanny supports great radio: Adult rock and roll, electronica groove, and crazy music comedy.
Demi Moore Beef Stew: A favorite of Striptease artists everywhere.
eHaw.com: How Things Get Done For Rednecks!
Eninem: He's the real Eninem, yes he's the real Eninem, and all the other Eninems are just imitating!
FedMart - Discover FedMart - America's Favorite General Store. (wait a minute; didn't they go out of business in 1982? Must be a sponsor from El Zona De Los Misterio! Watch for another installment later on, whenever that is)
Fireworks! Go to a local fireworks display and watch the sky shows for a David Tanny price...FREE! Have you ever been to a fireworks show that featured small dark fireworks? How did that make you feel? Like a damn Benedict Arnold! So, why not indulge yourself to a fireworks show put on by real fireworks professionals on July 4th! Why not go to two of them at the same time? You'll get twice as much fireworks for the price of one. You'll be glad you did! And please don't go to the North Pole to see the nightly fireworks on July 4th! How will you know when they start or end?
Gay-tor-Ade: The thirst quencing drink for gays and lesbians!
George W. Bush --- He Can't Name All The World Heads of State Either!
HamSter - exchange pork products between yourselves over the Internet!
Harry Potter: "Because Kids Are Bored With Pokemon and Dreamcast!"
HDTV Dinners: For People With Big Appetites!
HDTV Dinners: Now twice as wide as our TV Dinners!
Hoosier. Hoosier Who? Hoosier Daddy? That's Who!
Janet Reno: Works Better Than an Air Conditioner To Chill The Place Down!
Mountain Drew - the favorite soft drink for Careys, Barrymores, and that La Mesa Ford car dealership where I-8 meets La Mesa Boulevard!
National Lampoon's Animal House's Bluto: You've Got Food Fight!
Pac Man: No reason, I just like playing ancient video games!
Pacific Hell DSL Service, for that really long wait until you're connected! (yup, my mother waited and waited for 12 hours and the blasted Pac-Hell installer never showed up, those idiots!)
Papa Yawn's Pizza --- Boring Ingredients. Boring Pizza!
Pay-Per-Viewmaster: A Toy You Have To Insert a Nickel Into Everytime You Want To View Something!
Pepperidge Farms' Alyssa Milano Cookies: flavored with a special Charmed indgedient!
Pizza What?!?, They've Got 'What' Under Their Roof?
Regis Philbin: Who still wants to watch my tired-old millionaire show?
Regis Philbin: Who Wants To Be a Sucker To Watch My Addictive Game Show Tonight!
S.D.G.& E.: Giving You a Higher Electric Bill For Over 1/2 of a Century!
Shaquille O'Neal: Give me John Rocker and I'll Slam Dunk Him To Oblivion!
Super Fat Tuesday: Indulge Yourself and Vote! (only on Mar 7, 2000 as both Super Tuesday and Fat Tuesday appear on the same day!)
Survivor: We're the nobody that beats Regis's old-skewing game show!
Swanson Black and White TV Dinners: For those who don't own a color TV!
The 2000 Presidential Election: "Ah, screw it! Let's just put 'em both in office!"
The 2000 Presidential Election: "Dude, this is pretty f---ed up, right here!"
The 2000 Presidential Election: "We Don't Know Who's The New Boss Yet!"
The 2000 Summer Olympics: We Put the "Limp" in "Olympics!"
The Atari 2600 Video Computer System: "Forget The Phony Lame Station Screw! Come Back To The Basics!"
The Butterfly Voting Ballot: "Vote For One Person, You Get Somebody Else! Ha! We Tricked You!"
The cast of Friends: We Don't Need No Stinkin' Reege To Make Us Millionaires!
the Christmas Tree: "Take Me Home and Watch Me Die!"
the Denver Broncos: We're Not Out of Season, We're Champions The Other Six Months of the Season!
The electric bill payer: padding the profits of the overgreedy electric company barons forever! PS: Corporate electricity, like corporate oil companies, suck and will always suck.
the Hot Sun: Wanna sweat and stink all day? No problem!
the humidity: We'll make you sweat whether you like it or not!
The Incredible Computer Universe: "Buy a 1.1GHz Computer for $2,000 today....see it worth $200 a year later!"
The Incredible Computer Universe: "No, we don't got no stinking Phony Lame Station Screw game units, so shut up about it!"
The Interstate 15 Freeway Extension Through Kensington - "It's about f---ing time that stretch was completed!"
The Love Bug E-Mail Virus: Stronger Than Mike Tyson in Massive Knockouts!
the morons at UPN - we're a Useless Programmed Network!
The NBC Network: We Bring You Yesterday's Olympics Tomorrow!
The New "Windows Fee Operating System" - you have to pay Bill Gates $27 every time you boot it up on your computer!
The New "Windows Melrose Place Operating System": The only OS that thinks you're full of BS!
The New "Windows Meow Operating System": The first operating system that comes with its own litter box!
The New "Windows My @$$ Operating System" - enough of these lame Windows Me knockoffs, the real thing sucks enough as it is!
The New "Windows Roger and Me Operating System": A Raving-Fave of Michael Moore!
The New "Windows Sydney Olympics Operating System" - it boots up, but you have to wait 18 hours after booting up before you can begin using the computer every time!
The New Windows Me-lissa Virus Operating System: Upgrade for a complete computer operating system from hell! (the Melissa virus isn't named after the Sabrina actress BTW!)
The Republican National Convention: You Already Know The Ticket. Why Watch?
The rich oil companies: "Stay Out of Our Way, Or We'll Kill You!"
The San Diego Chargers - "The last time we were 0-11, disco music was king!"
The San Diego Chargers - "We Have More Losses (6) Than Anyone Else Has Wins!"
The San Diego Chargers - "We're .000 for 2000!"
The San Diego Chargers - "We're 0-5! We're 0-5!"
The San Diego Chargers - "We're 0-5! We're 0-5!"
The San Diego Chargers - "We're 0-6! We're 0-6!"
The San Diego Chargers - "We're 0-7! We're 0-7!"
The San Diego Chargers - "We're 0-8! We're 0-8!"
The San Diego Chargers - "We're 0-9! We're 0-9!"
The San Diego Chargers - "We're a Perfect 0-10!"
The San Diego Chargers - "We're a Perfect 0-11!"
The San Diego Chargers - "We're Going For A Perfect .000 Season!"
The San Diego Chargers - "We're Just Another Sucky 1-11 Football Team!"
The San Diego Chargers - "We've Won Our First Game in 47 Weeks!"
The San Diego Chargers - separating more fools (such as San Diego City) from their money than anyone else!
The San Diego Chargers - We Suck Big Time!
The San Diego Chargers and the San Diego Aztecs - "We're a Combined 0-6 This Year!"
The San Diego Chargers and the San Diego Aztecs - "We're a Combined 0-8 This Year!" ENOUGH ALREADY! WIN SOME DAMN GAMES, WILL YA? GEEZ!
The Singing Hills Country Club - the perfect resort for rednecks, geezers, and trailer-trash bigots. (and yes, they really are, I used to work for those boneheads down there years ago and the chef sucked donkeys!)
The Thanksgiving Turkey: "Gobble Me Up Tomorrow!"
The U.S. Postal Service: "Got 34 cents to mail a letter Jan 7th?"
the UPN network: watch our crummy shows...please?
The UPN Network: Watch us before it's too late!
The WWF Stars. They Smackdown Their Competetion!
The Year 2001: "I'm the real start of the new millenium, fool!"
this just in: The San Diego Chargers are a three-point underdog to Bye this week!
Time Warner Cable: What Will Disney Take Away From You Today?
Titans and Titus: "We Both Have 'T', 'I', 'T', and 'S' in Our Show Titles! (which also has those letters in it!)"
Tunafish Shake! It's a sandwich! It's a malt! It's both!
Valerie Bertinelli -- see how much cuter she is this Sunday night in the TV movie "Personally Yours" on CBS, also opposite "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire!"
Vice President Al Gore: getting nothing done for almost eight years!
Weird Al Gore: Soon to be a parody of his former stiff self!
Weird Al Yankovic! Be sure to purchase his CD collection! Have you ever been to a party where there was no Weird Al music? How did that make you feel? Like a predictable Clear Channel radio programmer, that's what! Weird Al's music is mind-expanding and intelligent, and his CD's come in a jewel box! So, why not go to the Weird Al store http://www.davesfunstuff.com/27alb000.htm and pick up a CD or 2, or 5, or 27! You'll be glad you did!
Weird Alpo Dog Food, the meal for weird canines!
Windows 3.1. "You've Got GPF Errors!"
Yasmine Bleeth -- see how devilishly cute she can be this fall in "Titans" premiering October 4th, right after the Olympics on NBC! Yup, she's even cuter than that Valerie chick from that One Day show.
And by Al Gore: "The Inventor of Daylight Saving Time!"
And by Al Gore: "The Inventor of Halloween!"
And by Al Gore: "The Inventor of The 1998-2000 World Series Champions, the New York Yankees!"
And by Mick Jagger: "Just Read My Lips, Bush!"
And by the electric bill payer: padding the profits of the overgreedy electric company barons for over three months!
This DRW report is brought to you by Autumn - "Come to nature and watch everything die!"
This DRW report is brought to you by The San Diego Chargers - "We're .000 for 2000!"
This DRW report is brought to you by The San Diego Chargers - "We're 0-8! We're 0-8!"