New Year's Day. Nothing ever changes on New Year's Day. Not even the alternate time line we're stuck in.
Like Equimas Day last Friday, New Year's Day had many of the stores closed for the holiday. We spent some of the day watching the college basketball tournament and tried to make sense out of the whole tournament thing where many 0-16 teams qualified for the brackets. Surprisingly, most of the 0-16 teams are still in the running, while most of the 16-0 and 15-1 teams had been eliminated.
When it started last Thursday, there were 2,048 teams. Half of the teams got eliminated every day. Friday had 1,024. Saturday had 512. Sunday had 256. Monday had 128. Tuesday had 64. Wednesday had 32. Thursday will have 16. And so it goes through Sunday when two teams battle it out for the championship. Do you care if the final two teams are 0-16 from the regular season?
Scotty spent the day watching the Super Bowl on the VHS tape deck. Yes, he's still analog. He's an old timer.
Chachi had the day off because there was no spring training game for his team the Carp that day. Mindy and Wilma spent all day sleeping in after clubbing at the New Year's Eve techno club all the way until 7am.
Hoss took me, Dean, and Jim over to Star's Jr. hamburger restaurant. We tried out some of the more bizarre burgers that they came out. I ate the Whiskey burger. Dean had the Scotch burger. Hoss had the Beer burger. Jim had a salad and a water. Needless to say, after eating just one of those, we were intoxicated. I guess mine was a genuine Jack Daniels burger. Jim drove us all home.
We spent some of the afternoon playing around with my websites from Lance's computer. His computer has a wireless connection from El Zona to the Real World by means of a inter realm Internet gateway. With that, we had some fun modifying some of my pages on sandiegoradionews.com and toyed with the CSS page that controls what colors are seen on the pages.
Later, we clicked on the boobtube.com and saw some kind of weird video show. There were people doing stupid things like blowing up balloons and watching them explode. Some were making homemade Road Runner movies with guys strapping rockets to their backs and trying to chase a running hot chick, and to with disastorous results. Crazy stuff.
Later, Scotty T. Shatner the 27th in his spaceship Happydays from the future came to the Travelhodgepodge Motel in the early evening. He beamed me, Scotty, Hoss, Chachi, Dean, Jim, Lance, and Gina aboard. We talked about our plan that we are going to carry out tomorrow afternoon after we have our Breakfast Feast that morning. Shatner was assured that we have bought all of the equipment that we'll need in our mission that could return us all to the regular timeline by eliminating Adam Cardassian from existence.
What's the plan? You'll have to wait until tomorrow night or when we're successful in our mission. One false move and we're f--ked up forever!
So with most of the day done, we retreated to our rooms in the Motel and elsewhere. I decided to click on the TV and see what could be the last day we'll have to deal with a Disneyfied broadcast and satellite TV lineup. Anyway, here's what I saw on Disney's All My Children 1994 Episodes channel, the one with Sarah Michelle Gellar as the home wrecker Kendall in that years before she began slaying vampires and did a hot impression of Daphne in Scooby Doo.
Monday on AMC: Laurel elects to leave PV until she gets acting lessons, Jane looks for Dick about a children's book reunion. Meanwhile, Kendall lets out all the Erica dirt on Howard Stern's radio show. Trevor takes up an imaginary dog friend until Howard returns. Del goes on TV's "The Donor Connection" and asks for a mate with a compatable kidney. Static ensues the PV TV station when an engineer from a nearby radio station detunes the FM transmitting channel and the voice of Rush Limbaugh comes out of Erica's mouth during the Cutting Edge.
Tuesday on AMC: Edmund's campaign is sabotaged by Ross Perot until Edmund adopts Ross's platform. Tad gets sick on eating Palmer's chicken wings, but recovers and buys a Colonel Sanders outlet. Jane wants Tad so desparately that she gets more plastic surgery, but the results are grim ... she looks like Dottie Thornton! Upset that Palmer can't size up to Opal's romantic demands, she divorces him and starts a Fish Head restaurant with Art and Arte Barnes. Erica says a bad word on her TV show when George Carlin guests.
Wednesday on AMC: Gloria suffers a dizzy spell after finding out Fortune Hunter has been cancelled. Alec gets so mad at Hayley that he stuffs her in a package and sends her by UPS to Days of Our Lives. Erica is booed at her runway model stint and gets so upset she hurls linguini plates at the audience. Liza Colby fires Erica from her TV show and replaces her with Kato Kaelin. Bianca becomes a hooker working for street hustler Vanilla Ice. Dixie goes berzerk when she finds out Tad is dating RuPaul, saying Ru is more of a lady than Dixie has been lately. Brooke goes in search of a life.
Thursday on AMC: Charlie blows chunks after seeing Weird Al's latest "Headline News" video. Adam and Del have a fist fight over Gloria's love-making comparison of the two men's sizes of their rods relating to the sexual performance. Dr. Demento plays videos of weird stuff while Erica is suspended for saying @#$%! on TV. Adam and Palmer get into a fight using martial arts as weapons. A depressed Erica is approached by Rupert Murdoch.
Friday on AMC: Brooke doesn't do a thing. Jamal is confronted by supremacist bullies at school but Jamal and his homies, Tupac, Snoop, and Ice turn them into permanent sopranos. Dixie is shocked when she opens her door and finds Hayley desparately looking for a storyline that makes sense. JaNut gets thrown into the happy home and meets up with Napoleon XIV. Erica is now in charge of Rupert Murdoch's new Fox PV affilliate and is planning revenge with counterprogramming tactics against Liza's old Erica TV station.
You could probably tell that those episodes came out sometime in October and November of 1994. The writing was better back then. Too bad today's writers are uninspired and flatlining. They don't write 'em like that anymore.
Happy Holidays. Wish us luck on Thursday's mission. Our future depends on it.
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