El Zona de los Misterio Web Novels

David's Vacation Begins!

I, Dean, and Jim, Dean's gay partner, traveled to El Zona in his Hummer as we took a drive to any street and drove up to 44 MPH on any road. We drove to 44 MPH on a road until the realm travel box zapped us into a worm hole and we sped thorugh the pulsating hole and onto a street somewhere in San Rubio City.

I, Dean, and Jim arriive in El Zona de los Misterio using Dean's Hummer equipped with an HD realm travel box.

Before I begin my entry for my first day of vacation, here's the holiday lineup for this holiday season:

Day 1: Mar 13/Blue 20: Vernalmas Holidays Begin
Day 2: Mar 14/Blue 21: Days finally as long as the nights most places
Day 3: Mar 15/Blue 22: Understanding all religious cultures day (you don't have to agree with them, just understand why they exist and live with them).
Day 4: Mar 16/Blue 23: Get an early jump on summer day. Practice the summer lifestyle...whatever!
Day 5: Mar 17/Blue 24: Get out of the house and play day. It's the end of cabin fever! Get a blowtorch to melt the snow!
Day 6: Mar 18/Blue 25: Feed the Homeless Feast Day. Better yet, give them a job, and a place to live until they can be on their own! The Vernalmas Holidays are not just a time for giving to the needy, it's a time to get them to pull their own weight. Face it. Just giving blankets and food don't do them much good for long (got that, KSWB and Clear Channel?)
Day 7: Mar 19/Blue 26: Gift giving from those who hibernated thru Christmas.
Also: Equimas Eve.
Day 8: Mar 20/Blue 27: Rock and Dance Party Day (sort of like Mardi Gras, but wilder, only we've already done our version of lent during the winter months!) Parties are everywhere. I told you that the Vernalmas Holidays are party time!
Also: Equimas Day. Spring Equinox.
Day 9: Mar 21/Blue 28: Begin Christmas Shopping Day (the snow's melting, now it's the time to start shopping for Christmas before it gets too cold!)
Also: Return Day.
Day 10: Mar 22/Blue 29: Reward yourselves with a family barbecue day
Also: Exchange Day.
Day 11: Mar 23/Blue 30: Understanding Mother Earth's Wildlife Day
Day 12: Mar 24/Blue 31: Celebrate with beer day. Have a few beer parties with sports, music, and girls wrestling and other manly stuff or something!
It's the Leap Year Day that comes at the end of every fourth year.
Also: Global New Year's Eve.
Day 13: Mar 25/Aqua 1: Exchanging Jokes With Folks Day. Not really April Fools, but close to it.
Also: New Year's Day.
Day 14: Mar 26/Aqua 2: Springtime rekindle your love day (Valentines Day without the winter blahs!)
Also: Breakfast Feast Day.
Day 15: Mar 27/Aqua 3: Baseball card collection day
Day 16: Mar 28/Aqua 4: Spring cleaning your home day. Invite your relatives to undo all the damage to your place after staying with you for two weeks!
Day 17: Mar 29/Aqua 5: The Vernalmas Holiday Season blowout family day. The Return of Evening Daylight, Parades, Parties, Fireworks. It's also the start of Daylight Saving Time.

Hope that explains the holidays for you all.

Some other notes, Easter Sunday always falls on the third Sunday in Aqua, which will be Aqua 19th. So it won't be too early or too late to celebrate Easter.

The whole realm was filled with Vernalmas holiday decorations all over as usual, with images of Santo Pedro and his flying buffalo displayed on many houses and other images of the holiday season. There were plenty of Equimas bushes decorated with lights and other stuff.

The intercoms were blasting out comedy Equimas holiday music, which there is no such thing as, but rather, Christmas or Hanukkah music, substituting words and symbols of Equimas for similar items mentioned in the holiday carols. Either way, they were fun to listen to.

Anyway, the first thing we do? We drove over to Scotty and Carlotta's house on the edge of the mesa, but when we arrive, there was a Foreclosure Notice and the house was Bank Owned. Huh? Where did Scotty go? He's the Mayor of San Rubio city, right? He's gotta live somewhere.

We were just about to take off from his former house to downtown San Rubio, when all of a sudden, one of the time zone gods descended upon us and warned us to move our clocks back ojne hour because El Zona was on Standard Time. We had to or else we would've been transported into The Wrong Time Zone.

We drove through San Rubio city towards downtown and saw holiday decorations all over the poles, buildings, fences, and houses. It was, of course, the Vernalmas Holiday Season.

We arrived at Chachi's house, or it was his house. It too has been foreclosed by the bank.

We didn't know what the hell was going on in El Zona.

We arrived in downtown San Rubio to see if we could locate Scotty in the mayor's office.

All over downtown, people were peddling fish tacos on every sidewalk. Rubio was home of many fish taco peddlers.

We arrive at the mayor's building and talked to the receptionist. She told us that Scotty had been recalled and was replaced by another mayor. We asked why. She told us that Scotty passed a resolution declaring January 15th a city holiday that honors the premiere of the sitcom Happy Days on ABC in 1974. This angered the voters enough to have him recalled in the month of Indigo. The new mayor had since repealed it, but a day after he did, he was served a cease and desist order by the President of the United States of the Nation and threatened to sue the city if he wasn't replaced by another mayor as punishment. They replaced him after only a week in office.

We asked where Scotty was now. The receptionist told us that she didn't know. We left the building. We couldn't figure out how the President could replace a mayor legally.

Lunchtime. We arrived at McBurger Jack to eat some lunch. We had a Big Jumbo Whopper. It was huge. A full three-pound burger we had to split three ways.

We drank a Pepsi One/Coke Zero drink. The two brands merged so that this brand sounded like a baseball or hockey score.

At 1pm, we left the restaurant to look for clues to Scotty and Chachi's whereabouts.

We drove to the house where Hoss Cartwrong once lived. It too was foreclosed and bank owned.

We drove to El Zono Loco and to Hoss's business The Comedy Music Worldwide Ministries Headquarters. Guess what? It went out of business. Not sure why.

It was seven days til' Equimas Day and I wasn't sure if I should be shopping for gifts if I can't locate the people that I know in El Zona in the past years. We decided to do some holiday shopping at a later time.

Carlotta, Angelina, and Alyssa, the three main ladies of me, Scotty, and Chachi? Missing. Their houses also in foreclosure and bank owned.

We drove over to the house of Professor Albert Edison, a scientist, and his wife, Dr. Beverly "Bones" McCoy. Guess what? Yup. Their house was sold.

It was 6pm Standard Time, and it was sunset time. We were out of ideas on who to look for, so we decided to go to the community of Alarado and check into a motel. We checked into Motel 7 near the freeway just west of Lost Mesa. We shared a room because we were low on money and had to find jobs since we didn't know anybody in town who would let us live in El Zona on our vacation.

We decided to watch some TV and see what was on. Grey's Anatomy. Desparate Housewives. Lipstick Jungle. Chick Lawyer Team. Women Running Fashion Business. Ryan Seacrest Variety Hour. What the hell was this kind of TV? Nothing but shows for chicks. Worse yet, it wasn't just on one network but on ABZ, CBZ, NBZ, Wolf, The WC, MyTVNetwork, and PBC. Even worse? Many of the same shows were on all of the networks, or did it seem that way? Yup. Grey's Anatomy was on all of the networks. Was network TV so out of ideas that they were now sharing the same shows? We turned off the TV in disgust.

At least we had the Internet so we could watch TV shows on youboob.com. We saw Mickey Mouse beat up the Jonas Brothers in a recent episode of South Park. It was a blast, but then again, why are we cheering for Mickey Mouse who was a symbol of the most evil empire in the business world: Disney, owner of ABC. Then again, we never cared for The Jonas Brothers, so we didn't know if we should root for the mouse or the boys.

We surfed around and found some more videos, but later on, we stumbled upon a video of Scotty and Carlotta saying that they had to leave El Zona for reasons they couldn't say. No word about Chachi, Hoss, Alyssa, or Angelina in the message. We tried to search for the folks on the Internet for clues but to no avail.

I wonder if we went to the wrong realm. This is so bizarro.

It's midnight and it's time for bed. Cya tomorrow.

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