El Zona de los Misterio Web Novels

I wake up in Scotty's house. Carlotta and Alyssa decide to decorate Scotty's house since he's the only house in El Zona that didn't decorate the house with Equimas decorations.

With two days until Equimas, the streets in the city are filled with holiday decorations of all sorts inmaginable, as well as fake replicas of Santo Pedro and his eight flying buffalo among other symbols of Equimas and the New Year.

Later in the morning, just as I was finally about to watch the Alyssa Milano movie I taped four days ago, Chachi comes barging into the house and asks me, Scotty, and the ladies to listen.

He tells me that he found the opening to a tunnel leading to a demon lair underground. He and the folks never entered the opening since he didn't know how big the lair was and didn't want to take a chance. He suspects that Mindy is the demons lair somewhere.

Hoss, meanwhile, was busy coordinating the dementia music coming from his Comedy Music Worldwide Ministries Headquarters to hundreds of radio stations in the El Zona region, so he was tied up.

Albert is trying to figure out how to get a space rocket over to satellite Al and back again, but he doesn't know if the inhabitants of Al would be too hostile to let the spacemen take off safely. Albert is trying to get the government space body to help out with his mission, but they don't see it as a priority at this time as they given up on space rockets since the 1972 moon mission.

The militia has called Scotty's phone and tells him that they're coordinating an effort to rescue Mindy from our local demon lair. Their radar has been busy penetrating the El Zona surface area to find out the perimeter of the lair and concluded that it stood underneath the entire community of Sunnychip (get it? Sunnychip and Sunnydale?), located a few miles west of the city of Sautee. The demons' hellmouth lair serves as a portal between this realm and the next, whatever the next happens to be.

The size of Sunnychip is small compared to what used to be Sunnydale in the Buffy TV series. It's actually the size of a Wal-Fart superstore!

The militia asked Chachi to come along and help them out with the efforts. Chachi asked Scotty, I, and Lenny to come along. Barb, Marcie, Patty, and Ellen also went along with us to the hellmouth to find Mindy.

Once there, we entered the opening to the demon's lair. We looked around and saw a demon. Scotty in panic mimicked whatever the demon was saying, and the demon stopped and understood what Scotty was saying in their language. Huh? Scotty has a superpower: the ability to talk to demons! He asked the demon if he can take him and his troops over to where Mindy is. The demon said yes under one condition: Only Scotty, Chachi, I, and Lenny can come along. The rest have to stay behind. We agreed.

The demon led us through a series of dark mazes with lanterns lighting up some of the hallways.

We were finally led to where Mindy was being held captive. Scotty tried to negotitate with the demon, but the demon said that their leader has final say on what they can do with Mindy. I asked what leader?

The leader came.

Hello...Mindy's daddy?

It's Carl!

Yes. Carl's bad again!

How the hell did he become the leader of the demon gang?

Carl says that he finally got Mandy (Mindy) back and intends to debrainwash Mindy to get what used to be his son back again. Carl says that all he needs now is enough money that was taken from the bodies of the citizens that the demons have killed so that he can take Mandy (Mindy) away from El Zona forever and turn her back into a him.

Chachi tried to negotitate with Carl, asking him to replace Mindy with Chachi and take him instead. Carl refused.

I suggested that he could have my entire collection of hundredds of downloaded Dr. Demento shows I downloaded from USENET. He asked why the hell was I wasting my time with obsolete shows.

Scotty tried to talk to the demons in demonese, but Carl told him to shut up.

Lenny didn't say a thing because he thought he was going to get killed.

Meanwhile, the Four Musketqueers and the militia mapped out where we were as we carried transmitters in our, well, um, we can't say here, but (rimshot), let's say that our asses saved our asses.

We kept trying to negotiate with Carl to free the pre-op TV Mindy, but he keeps calling her Mandy, then he raises Mindy's skirt to see the bulge in her panties. I said so what. Mindy is who she is and you should accept her for what she is. Carl kept correcting me that Mindy was Mandy and she was a he.

Finally, Lenny told Carl what he can do with his demands. Carl got mad and gave Lenny a right hook. Lenny flies backwards, but the demons capture him, then set him down. Scotty tells the demons in demonese that Carl was interested in taking over the demon's lair and has no intention to leave with Mindy. The demons approached Carl in anger. Carl started panicking when the demons started to attack him. Carl tried to grab Mindy, but a demon grabbed Mindy away and pushed her to the floor. Carl tells the demons that he would give them half of everything that the demons took from the bodies. The demons agreed and were just about to return Mindy into Carl's clutch...

Just then, we heard some crashing sounds. It was our militia troops using tanks to bust through the halls and into where we were. The troops and the Musketqueers came out of the tanks and started fighting with the demons. Carl grabbed Mindy, but Barb kicked Carl in the nuts and Carl eeled over in pain. Chachi came along to Mindy's aid and untied her arms and legs. The demons and Carl began to fight us and the militia. We were slugging and kicking at each of the enemies. The Mustketqueers got out their swords and began to stab the demons in their torsos. The demons began to vanish one by one, but more demons from nowhere came back to take their place. Chachi used his stake to take out the demons as they attacked him. Mindy was using her martial arts skills to knock the demons and Carl away. Lenny kicked a demon, but the demon attacked Lenny and was about to kill him, when a sword came from behind the demon, and he was vanquished. The sword came from me. One of the militia troops got into a tank and began firing shells at the demons, causing explosions as well as causing the tunnel to begin to collapse. The demons were scared away and went deeper into their caverns. Chachi yelled and told us to get inside the tanks and get out of here. We went in, but the demons and Carl kept coming at us, and the walls and tunnels were beginning to collapse from the explosions. Just then, the walls and tunnels were pushed back to their place, temporairily. Mindy was using her superpowers to hold the walls in their place, so they wouldn't collapse as long as she was waving her hand. Carl tried to grab Mindy, but Chachi used his sword to convince him to back off unless he wants to get killed by the crushing dirt. The tanks began to take off back onto the surface of the town. Chachi and Mindy rode in a Jeep while a milita drove it along with the tanks. Carl was ordered to follow along as several militia men with weapons made sure he did so.

Once they all got out, Mindy let go of her hold and the tunnels in the demon's lair collapsed where the explosion took place.

The militia gave custody of Carl to the sheriff. Carl was arrested for kidnapping, murder, and other crimes, and was taken to the San Rubio Poilce Center in downtown.

We were about to leave when a demon came from the opening of the demon's lair and tried to attack us. Mindy grabbed the sword from Chachi and stabbed the demon. The demon was vanquished. Mindy was surprised that she vanquished a demon, but she's not convinced that she's as good of vanquishing demons as much as Chachi, or Buffy for that matter, is.

We went back to Wendy and Jennifer's house and returned Mindy to their open arms. They were worried sick to death and thought they would be forced to celebrate another Equimas with her in captivity.

I, Chachi, Scotty, and Lenny went to Scotty's place. We, along with Alyssa, Carlotta, and Angelina decided to celebrate with Barb, Marcie, Patty, and Ellen on our victory by going to the park for Equimas on the Prado. We saw a bunch of dancing blue, aqua, and green lights all around the place, as they were the official colors of the season. Techno and electronica bands were playing, well, Christmas carols rewritten for Equimas as there were, as you know, no Equimas carols. It was a big party. Everybody had a good time.

We finally got home late at around midnight Mountain West Time, or 11pm Pacific Time, whatever. We got a call from Conan and he told us that he won a dozen tickets to see Ana Tijuana in concert tomorrow night and asked us to come. Most of us decided to come for the fun. Barb, Marcie, Patty, and Ellen already have their own tickets and they found femme dates to take them to the Ana Tijuana concert.

Let's see...Conan, or course, Mindy, Wendy, Jennifer, I, Chachi, Scotty, Lenny, Alyssa, Carlotta, Angelina, and....

Does Hoss want to just take a time out to join us at the Ana Tijuana concert tomorrow night this Equimas Eve? Santo Pedro (well, some imitator of him), will show up there anyway.

Or maybe, Conan will ask out Millie to accopany him to the Ana Tijuana concert.

Who will get the final ticket? We'll see tomorrow night.

Meanwhile, the glowing hydrogen gas Rush was dimmer than the night before. We're not sure if the Al people there are out of rockets or are trying to make a bigger rocket to make it shine brighter and give off more heat. We're still worried about the whole thing. I wish that Enterprise spaceship was for real so we can travel and talk the Al people into ceasing the rocket firings into Rush.

As I'm typing this, I'm watching reruns of M*A*S*H on my TV set in my guest room. Scotty watched what he taped earlier today. Scotty has apparently gotten hooked on Roosevelt Carter's soap that we had to watch part of before we could talk to him after his lunch break ended. Carlotta and Alyssa slept over at Scotty's too to keep us company, and they spent most of the time yakking and texting on their cellphones to their friends as chicks like to do, then they shut up when Ana Tijuana came on the Dismal Channel.

Chachi and Angelina went home. Lenny went, well, who knows where he lives or what he lives with.

Meanwhile, at Atlantica Island, early Equimas Eve morning, one of the people from the naval air base called Albert and asked him to fly over for help. Albert called me just now and told me to keep our phone lines open for any news that may come from Albert while he was on Atlantica Island.

It's late and I'm tired, so I'll listen to dementiaradio.org from the real world and let it put me to sleep.

Cya tomorrow, Equimas eve.

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