In the wee hours of the morning, Mindy the little giroy was dreaming she was skipping in a flower field with her other giroy friends having a good time. The sun was shining. The birds were chirping. Mindy was wearing a pretty pink dress.
Then the dark thunderclouds quickly materialized, and within seconds, her giroy friends disappearred, scissors descended from the clouds, and chopped off Mindy's long hair and her dress, exposing her as a naked boy Mandy. The boys pointed fingers at Mandy, laughing at him, and calling him a sissy and a girl. The girls wouldn't come to Mandy's aid saying that he was a boy who acted weird and didn't belong with them. Mandy cried and screamed but with no voice coming out. Her estranged father Carl was seen dancing all over the dark thunderous sky with an evil echoing laugh saying that Mindy is dead and Mandy will live forever. Mandy's mouth disappearred and could not talk back to her dad Carl.
Then Mindy woke up screaming and yelling, saying that she doesn't want to ever see her evil father and go back to public school ever again. Russell is awakened and comes up the stairs to her room where she is imprisoned. Russell gags her mouth with some chemical and she passes out. Then Russell ties and gags the unconscious Mindy to her bed.
Morning arose in El Zona, and with 11 hours to go, the tally stood at $8,103,025. The folks had to act fast.
Early that morning, the four butch lesbians, you remember them? Barb, Patty, Marcie, and Ellen returned to Scotty's neighborhood to spend the last weekend of the Vernalmas holiday season in San Rubio to trade and buy baseball cards for upcoming prospects in the United Realms of America Baseball League.
Scotty and D.T. arrive at Alyssa and Carlotta's place to discuss some of the clues that they have found in the background tapes of last Friday's broadcasts of their radio show and the Tom Leycuss radio show featuring the boss and Carl, who was suspected of kidnapping Wendy's adopted child Mindy almost two weeks ago. Alyssa believes that they are all tied together but don't know how or where. Scotty tells the three that today is baseball card trading day and his neighbor Barb called him to meet her and her friends at her house. They agree to go and they met with Barb and the others. They talked about the prospects for the players for the URABL as well as the values of their trading cards.
Then, Scotty asked Barb how the vacation went. Barb said that the Milliean New Years weekend wasn't a blast as she and her friends hoped to be. She explained that the fireworks she staged behind a castle in Mount La Goony did not work as planned. Scotty asked Barb where the castle was. Barb says that it was near a horse stable where she rode her and her friend's horses to. Then, a thought rung up in Alyssa's head that that could be where she heard the background noise from. Barb wondered what Alyssa was thinking. Alyssa explained that there was a faint sound of horses in the two radio broadcasts from last week as well as a machine with something going around. Barb says that the noise was probably the drawbridge where she saw some homely looking knights coming in and out of the castle. Alyssa shows Barb the tapes and plays them. Barb and her friends recognize the sounds and they pinpoint the location where Mindy is being held prisoner.
D.T. tells the folks not to tell Wendy or Jennifer about their possible breakthrough and he and the seven others plan a rescue mission to rescue Mindy from the boss of the castle as well as her estranged father Carl.
Chachi and Angelina are co-hosting the morning show and have Wendy and her wife Jennifer pleading with the viewers and listeners of the El Zona Thon that they really need to come up with more donations to beat the deadline of 5pm.
The donations started creeping up a bit faster and faster. At 7am, it was $8,202,025. At 9am, it was $8,311,054. At 10am, it was $8,433,535. At 11am, it was $8,567,252. At noon, it was $8,709,106. There was still five hours left and just under $1.3 million to go!
Meanwhile, all day long, Albert the scientist dispatched his cloned assistants to the music databases all over the El Zona realm where they would work with Hoss and the other music database systems operators in installing his computer card operating system that would put an end to trojans, viruses, worms, and other foreign matters that would wipe out the music files and corrupt the operating system, replacing it with foreign music files and run remotely from who knows where.
Also, as the El Zona Realm telethon wound down, the radio station operators were wondering what to program when the telethon ended, but most of them were told they had to run a format run by Brian Radio as part of the agreement to release the kidnapped Mindy from the boss of the castle. They still don't know that the inept former music director Brian Schmuck was behind Brian Radio.
With more entertainers, businesses reps, and pleads during the telethon, the tally reached $8,857,282 at 1pm. At 2pm, it finally cracked the $9 million mark at $9,004,023 with three hours to go to raise $1 million, and they need to do it at a rate of over $330,000 an hour!
At that time, Carl arrived at the castle to greet the boss, Russell, and an enthusiastic Brian, the creepy looking goon who couldn't wait to see the end of the El Zona Thon. Carl greeted the tied and gagged Mindy on the floor and wearing a ruffled blue dress and crying and saying she didn't want to see her dad ever again.
Just outside of the castle, D.T., Scotty, Alyssa, Carlotta, Barb, Patty, Marcie, and Ellen returned to the scene where Alyssa heard the horse stable and recognized the way they nayed as well as the sound of the motor that drew the drawbridge of the castle up and down. They think of a rescue plan, and with three hours left, the butch Barb decided to play Hannibal in her version of The L Team (with her butch lesbian friends) and build something with the materials that they found around the cabin they were renting in nearby Mount Cuckoomaca. Barb discusses her plan with her folks while they work on the project.
At 3pm, the tally stood at $9,203,002.
During the telethon at that hour, Mindy's older adopted Jewish sisters arrived at the KSEBQ studios and, we'll, let's name them. Lisa, Nancy, Kim, and Charlotte (wonder why Carl named them after the actresses from The Facts of Life?). The four sisters arrived with their adoptive parents the rich and influential husband and wife team of Grant and Dianna Lefkowitz (yes, they're also Jewish), owners of the San Rubio Star newspaper. Somehow, they were watching the telethon when their sisters recognized the picture of Mindy when they also knew her as Mandy and asked their parents to come down to the studio. Grant, who happens to be a former female who had a sex change operation to become a man and uses the newspaper to propagate his liberal editorial viewpoints about sexuality in opposition to his religion's beliefs, agreed to take them down to the KSEBQ studios and have the four girls plead with the listeners and viewers that they need to raise $400,000 an hour and to make any donation that they can possibly make. Grant made a deal to publish free full-page ads in his newspaper for a month for every business that donates at least $5,000 for the rest of the telethon.
Down in the basement of the castle, Brian was busy readying his computers to take over every San Rubio radio station, Internet station, and city's intercom system and planned to do so whether the $10,000,000 was raised or not. He said that he had some worms ready to deploy to the realm's music databases to allow him to take over their computers forever with an operating system that could not be defeated or locally patched, with Brian Radio's music playlists forever overwriting all other music files in the databases. Brian was ready to rule the realm and soon, the whole United Realms of America with Brian Radio!
At 4pm, the tally stood at $9,446,250.
Chachi pleaded with the viewers and listeners that this was Mindy's final hour and we feared that we may never see her ever again if we don't see just $554,000 more dollars within the next hour. He played some home movies of Mindy and her adoptive mother Wendy having a good time to get some reaction, and he did. At 4:20pm, the tally went to $9,601,312. At 4:33pm, the tally went to $9,700.000.
Meanwhile, Barb, D.T., and the gang were descending on the castle where they were sure that the boss, Carl, and Mindy were at, and ready for action if the boss does not get his $10,000,000 in ransom towards the release of Mindy.
At 4:44pm, the tally went to $9,800.723. The phones were ringing off the hook with pledges, some taking advantage of a new offer from Grant, asking for $10,000 to run a full-page ad for six months.
At 4:53pm, the tally went to $9,900,215. At the castle, the boss phoned in the KSEBQ studio using a anonymizer to get his private call through, and was on the phone for the last few minutes telling Chachi via the studio's intercom that the time is almost up.
At 4:57pm, the tally went to $9,950,725.
Carl took the phone from the boss and told the realmwide audience that to not donate so that he can get his sinful daughter back the way that it should be, and that Catholics should not donate towards the cause of sexual perversion. The boss took the phone away, but Mindy managed to remove the gag from her mouth somehow long enough to cry out help as loud as she could. Carl punched her and told her to go back to hell.
Just outside the castle, at 4:58pm, Alyssa and Jennifer recognized the voice of Mindy coming from outside the castle as well as on the radio.
Also at 4:58pm, the tally went to $9,963,982.
At 4:59pm, with the tally standing at $9,980,252, the boss tells Chachi that he has one minute left or Mindy is Carl's forever. The phones continue to scream.
At 5:00pm...
The
Final
Tally
Stood
At
$9,999,931.
The boss says that time is up!
Barb tells the crew to "hit it!"
Carl says that Mindy is finally his forever.
Brian, feeling angry, sends out the computer worms that were intended to take over the music database computers forever so he could program Brian Radio remotely to radio stations all over the realm.
Chachi says "Oh F----------------ck!"
Wendy and Jennifer break down in tears.
The four sisters of Mindy cried.
Hoss and Albert were ready to launch their new computer systems.
Ready?
The boss was ready to release Mindy to Carl when Carl tells him that thanks to his stealing of the $69 dollars that was meant for the telethon from the diner in Foolian, he kept the tally below $10,000,000.
Russell says that what Carl did was very bad and he won't get Mindy if he can't get his $10,000,000, and tells Carl to give the telethon the money since technically, $10,000,000 was raised.
The boss agreed with Russell and said that Carl does not get Mindy back and demands the money from Carl, and tells the expletetive-spewing Chachi on the air at 5:01pm that the boss has the $69 that somebody stole from a diner and somebody brought it to him, so Mindy is finally free to be sent home by his couriers.
An angry Carl gets out his AK-47 and guns down the boss by shooting his legs, kills Russell by shooting his heart, and guns down the boss's helpers. Carl takes the tied and gagged Mindy away from the scene with the telephone still not hung up and the entire audio of the shooting and kidnapping was heard on the radio and TV airwaves of the telethon. The boss, wounded, crawled up to the telephone, asking for help and giving out the location of his castle before he bled to death a minute later.
Just outside the scene and still inside the room, Carl set Mindy down. During that time, an Army-style tank busted through the drawbridge while going over a made-up bridge to cross the moat. The L Team had arrived, plus four non-gay males and females, inside the tank, with Barb driving and smoking a cigar and the seven others shooting at the castle guards on its way to the main room of the castle where Carl and Mindy were holed up. Carl was wondering what the noise was outside, but thought that it was a fight and ignored it. Just as he was about to chop off Mindy's long locks to make her look like a boy again, the Army-style tank busted thorugh the door, with a stunned Carl wondering what it was, but during that second, a bullet made its way to the Carl's right arm and stopped him cold in his tracks. Carl kneeled down in agony and pain. A screaming Mindy cried for help. The L Team came out of the tank and untied and ungagged Mindy, who was crying and hugging Alyssa and Carlotta.
Barb says, "I love it when a plan comes together!"
The whole thing was still broadcast on live television and radio while the local news reporters were trying to make sense of the sounds that were coming out through the telephone with the phone call originating from the castle. Scotty comes up to the telephone and asks for Chachi. Chachi comes up to the microphone and asks him what's going on. Scotty tells Chachi that Mindy is safe, and Carl has been captured, but many of the people in the castle are dead.
Meanwhile, D.T. and Barb venture out to the basement to see what's going on with some strange sounds coming from there. They arrive and are greeted by the creepy Brian Schmuck. D.T. tells him, "Holy s--t, it's Brian Schlock!"
Brian greets D.T. by saying, "Hello, loser. Can't you understand that people in El Zona don't like your idea of music? They prefer popular music and songs that they loved when they were teenagers." D.T. tells Brian that he is lying and they are tired of teenage hits from decades ago. Brian tells D.T. that he can't program music because he uses music nobody cares about. Brian also tells D.T. that the popular songs made famous on broadcast radio are what people are talking about and buying and that he is in the advertising business. D.T. tells Brian that people are fleeing radio because they are not playing music that grows up with them instead of growing old on them. Brian tells D.T. that he wants to prove his point by playing songs that were popular when D.T. was a teenager. Brian played Debby Boone's "You Light Up My Life," and it made D.T. gag. Brian played Samantha Sang's "Emotion" and it made D.T. feel sick. Finally, Brian played the worst song from D.T.'s entire teenagehood: "Feelings" by whoever, and it made D.T. vomit all over the floor. Brian wonders why D.T. doesn't like the songs that were popular in his day. D.T. throws up some more when Brian keeps on playing the wimpy love ballads from the 70s.
Barb says that she heard enough and tells Brian to turn off the computer. Brian says you and who else? Barb gets out her walkie-talkie and calls out her three butch lesbians downstairs. Brian waits while a nauseated D.T. listens to Barbra Streisand singing "Evergreen."
A minute later, Marcie, Ellen, and Patty arrive, and the four of them drew their swords. Brian wonders if the four butch lesbians were the Four Musketqueers. Barb threatens Brian to shut down his computer, but Brian says that it's too late and he deployed a worm that would not only replicate and control the music databases and playlists of every radio station, but his computer was mirrored elsewhere so that in case this computer goes down, another computer takes over and they'll have to find that one which is hard to find.
Brian also calls out what's left of the castle's knights and they began a swordfight with the butch lesbians. Meanwhile, a sickened D.T. gets up from barfing all over the floor. Brian tells D.T. that Brian has won and has taken over all of the radio stations with Brian Radio's pop music brands. D.T. gets out his MP3 player. Brian wonder what that is. D.T. asks Brian if he can name this tune. Brian says that he knows every song that was popular. D.T. turns on his mp3 player and out of the speaker comes "Up and Down" by Scent, a song that Brian has never heard before because no radio station in San Diego ever played it. Brain says that he was stumped. D.T. says that it's one of his favorite songs from 2004 and was heard all over the Internet in the real world where he lives as well as this realm until Brian took over. Brain was stunned that D.T. could rattle off the names of the songs made popular on the dance and comedy music stations, and Brian couldn't figure out why he liked them, as he had no reason, so Brain just concluded that D.T. didn't like music. D.T. decided to play a song Brian knows he doesn't like, and he played the song he told a KGEBE comedy music jock not to play because it was hillbilly: "Dead Skunk" by Loudon Wainwright the Third. Brain began to scream in agony as D.T. played that, plus a song by another act D.T. likes that Brain thinks he shouldn't: "Macarena" by Los Del Rio. Brain was getting shaky. D.T. began reciting a poem he lifted from Charmed or whatever saying:
The music director can't program it.
His propaganda is full of s--t.
Let's send him back to hell below.
So he can threaten our minds no more.
Then, Brian was engulfed by a swirling cyclone with Brian yelling expletetives at D.T. while a hole from below opened up, the cyclone dragging Brian down below, and the floor closing back up.
Meanwhile, the Four Musketqueers managed to get the castle's knights to stop fighting since both of their bossess were dead and they had nothing left to fight for.
D.T. thanks his habit of watching Charmed for a poem that cast the spell to send Brian Schmuck back to hell where he belongs. D.T. shuts down the computer by getting the computer to crash when it launches Windopes Explorer, and he goes to a website he knows of that's full of viruses when the browser reads it, and it crashes the computer system, and its mirror, disabling it.
Meanwhile, back in the city, the computer worm that Brian deployed was stopped dead in its tracks because there was no operating system that it could infect, and there was no computer from the castle to send its signals back to, so the computer worm dies out. The new computer card operating system, with 400GB of music files embedded inside each ROM chip, as well as an operating system that can't be reprogrammed, was successfully installed in the computer systems that fed the radio stations with music programming from the computer card and not from some remote location. Brian Radio, as well as Brian, are both dead.
The music station operators in El Zona were finally relieved when D.T., Albert, and Hoss told the news reporters live on the KSEBQ studio that the good music has returned to the airwaves as soon as the local radio stations, Internet radio stations, and city's intercoms flip the switch from KSEBQ to their own computer-run studios. The Four Musketqueers aim the fireworks towards the castle and tell D.T., Scotty, Alyssa, Carlotta, and Mindy to leave immediately because they are going to blow it up in a five minutes. Scotty tells the reporters at the KSEBQ studio that they're coming home and hung up. Five minutes later, after they leave the castle, the fireworks go off, and blow up the castle into smithereens, even the computer system in the basement.
The nine get back into their cars and drive back to downtown San Rubio where the team entered the KSEBQ studio at about 6pm, and Mindy was released to her adoptive mather Wendy and adoptive mother Jennifer as they hugged and kissed her. Mindy's four sisters came over to her to hug and kiss Mindy and says that they wish that she could join them as a sister, though male, as a giroy is, once again and be a complete five-sister family.
Outside the KSEBQ studio, the Catholics were protesting the rescue, but the police came over and arrested the protesters for child endangerment thorugh the use of religion with threats of superstituous activities if supporters for Mindy's rescue did not help in her kidnapped cause. Some of them said that the police are workers for Satan, but some of them said that they are Atheiests and don't belive in hell and suspect that a hatemonger man was behind the religious scriptures seen in the Bible.
The doctors and nurses took away Mindy for examination and for treatment of exhaustion and malnutrition, cleaned her up, and kept her overnight for observation.
Wendy and Jennifer thanked Grant for helping out. Grant knows about what happened in Mindy's life and will help in getting Mindy reinstated in her Jewish faith as a giroy and be entitled to practice as a giroy, following the traditions as a boy, but with the benefits as a girl (no hair cutting, etc.), allowing her to be the way she is.
D.T. and Scotty turned on the radio and heard many radio stations playing electronica, Americana, new wave classics, dance, comedy music, modern adult rock and roll, comedians, folk, bluegrass, male-country, blues, disco, polka, even real children's music. Everybody in the studio was cheering that Brian Radio has died and will never pollute the airwaves with top 40 crap ever again!
Scotty says that the four butch Musketqueers rule and they are the ones that helped out the most. Alyssa and Carlotta greet their roommate Angelina. Chachi joins D.T. and Scotty. Albert phones in to Scotty and tells him that the computer card inventions are working properly and that no computer worm can harm it ever again because they can't change a ROM chip. Hoss drives over to the KSEBQ studio and joins D.T., Scotty, and Chachi in their victory high-five, and the four leave the studio to celebrate at another nude girlie club called Les Gals in Pointless Loma.
Wendy and Jennifer finally head home, ready to reset up their Equimas holiday setting so that they can celebrate Equimas with Mindy and her little brother Conan Saturday night after she's released from the hospital.
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