Mar 25: Vernalmas Holidays: Global New Years Day (the real new year starts here, but the old traditionalists insist it's March 15th). Always March 25th.
Midnight struck in the Mountain West time zone.
Aaaaaaaand.....
The castle's computer system just beat the y2k+10 bug by a second! Their system was updated with the patch that worked, but the boss ordered his assistants to hire a computer programmer team to update his database and programs at once, and that could cost about a tenth of the ten million dollars in ransom for the labor invloved in that job.
But the fireworks behind the castle did not go off, and the butch lesbian quartet who planted them there two days before could not figure out why they didn't work as scheduled. Everybody at the cabin in the woods were wondering whether they set the time wrong. Barb and Ellen ventured out towards the castle to find out what went wrong. When they got to Brokebuck mountain just before the Mount La Goony mountain, the two butch lesbians got into heat and made out by the lake.
The New Years' Eve party at the Corny Indian Gaming Casino had an illuminated poker chip descending down a flagpole once the last minute of 2009 began, and people began to count down the final seconds to the year 2010. When the 60th second was reached, the poker chip reached the bottom of the flagpole, and the year 2010 lit up. Confetti and fireworks went off. People were cheering and singing Auld Lang Syne.
But a few of the old y2k+10 non-compliant computerized poker machines inside the casino malfunctioned, all hanging up, not accepting any money made after the year 1910, and could not accept credit or debit cards either.
Back in the Pacific Time Zone, it was still one hour away from the year 2010, and the folks at Scotty's New Years Eve party were getting smashed and the place was getting trashed by the drunks. When midnight finally rolled around an hour later, people all over the Pacific zone were cheering and singing, but some of their pre-2010 era wireless phones went out since they were still on the old non-compliant y2k+10 patched network, which was set to expire, so all of the old wireless phones made before 2000 went dark, and people trying to celebrate the New Year arrival with friends on the telephone suddenly saw them go silent and the network dead. The new millenium wireless G-FI phone system made all of the pre-2000 wireless phones obsolete because it was based on technology so advanced that the older phones couldn't recognize it. But however it worked, the G-FI system is a standard complete with high-speed data transport, capable of voice with video and broadband internet radio at the same time, and could also used as a digital television service with a special adapter.
Other than that, there were no other reports of old non-y2k+10 compliant systems and devices that went dark.
Morning arrives in the El Zona region. It's a Saturday. The malls are moderately packed. Why? Very few people bother to celebrate Christmas in El Zona, but they have otherwise an excuse to get stuff for cheap or to find presents to mail to folks who do celebrate Christmas, or to hold on to them for 12 months until Equimas comes again.
Let's see what happened on New Year's Day 2010 from the morning on. Wendy and Jennifer found what they thought was the Friday broadcast of the Tom Leycuss show featuring a man named Carl, but it turned out to be a spoofed file of an awful album put out by some noname pop CHR band. TV and radio stations in the area began a fund drive to raise $10,000,000 ransom for the release of the kidnapped child Mindy by next Friday at 5pm. Chachi and the Little Merbabe settle on a name after they set the wedding date. The Little Merbabe will be known as Angelina. Alyssa and Carlotta try to find some clues to where the caller called the boss originated from by listening to a tape of their Friday afternoon broadcast.
D.T. and Scotty head off to Albert's lab where they continued to test out Albert's computer card alternation and had some degree of success. Albert said that he needed some more parts, but they were in San Diego. Albert tried to take his car with D.T.'s old realm machine installed, but the realm machine wouldn't work because it was no longer y2k+10 compliant and cannot be patched anymore. Albert hitches on a ride with Scotty (whose Earnhardtian was fitted with a new realm machine) and D.T. to a computer parts store in San Diego to find a ROM chipset with a lot of memory for the computer card.
Hoss, at the Comedy Music Worldwide Ministries Headquarters, receives and e-mail trojan, but was intercepted and quarantined by his new computer virus program. Hoss deciphers the e-mail headers, but they mysteriously read that it was sent from the date Aqua 1, 1910 instead of 2000. Looks like somebody with a y2k+10 patch missed some lines of code.
Let's see. Who's left? Barb and Ellen woke up at sunrise and ventured over to their fireworks display behind the castle of the boss. Barb looked and saw that that the battery for the remote controlled relay was dead. Barb and Ellen ride back to their cabin where Marcie, Patty, and a bunch of hot femms were having a really bad hangover from the celebration of the new year. They eventually sober up. The hot femms drove back to the city. Barb and Ellen venture out to the main city to find new odd-sized BB-sized battery cells for their relay that would have turned on the fireworks display if the batteries weren't dead.
Outside the castle, Carl, the escaped hate-crime convict, walks over to the nearby town of Foolian just north of Mount La Goony, and gets a job at a diner slinging hash because the cook quit the day before. His pay is a paltry salary, but gets free room and board as long as he works there. Carl gets cleaned up, gets on some new clothes, and gets to work making some grub.
Inside the castle, the boss, Russell, and the creepy looking man were busy searching for computer programmers that could covnvert their computer from the old operating system to a new one, but since they asked for $1,000,000 in advance, they were out of luck until they could get the money. Instead, the trio decide to set up a phishing website and send e-mails to people who would be foolish enough to update their credit card information by the internet firms spoofed in the e-mails. They would catch the usernames and passwords as well as their credit card information on their spoofed firm website to raise money to afford the computer programmers.
Mindy, the imprisoned giroy inside the castle, was locked in the top floor and had to stay there for a week until somebody came up with the $10,000,000 ransom or be released to her abusive father, Carl.
At night, Albert, D.T., and Scotty had no luck finding what they needed, but they decide to pick up Hoss, Lenny, and Chachi after returning to El Zona and to go around the realm and stopped at a Dreamchick's nude dancing bar. They discuss what's been going on in the past week while the topless girls lapdanced on the legs of the three men. One of the topless girls comes close to the guys. Cheapskate D.T. gives her a buck in her panties. Scotty gives her a $10. Albert gives her a $20. Another guy decides to reach inside her panties to pull out some money and run, but was shocked when he reaced into the center and pulled on her p-nis. The guy gets angry, feeling that he was fooled, and pulls down her panties to reveal that she was a feman. The feman screamed, the guys either vomitted or ran out of the nude dancing bar, and the guy exposing her tried to beat her up, but Hoss intercepted his fist and with his. The guy gets up, but D.T. decks him with a chair. The guy gets a stick of the broken chair and swings it at D.T., but D.T. ducks and the stick hits Lenny, causing him to fly across the bar and landing into a blender that was mixing some beer at the time without the top on the 100-gallon industrial-sized barrel. Lenny dies a grisly death as he gets diced and sliced as his blood, guts, and bones gets mixed into the beer.
D.T.: Oh my god!
Scotty: They killed Lenny again!
Chachi: Those bastards!
The guy gets up to take another swing, but the feman dancer kicks him in the knee. He falls over. Hoss takes the guy and throws him through the window and out of the nude bar.
The angry bar owner tells the guys to get the hell out of his premises, and that the feman dancer was fired for not being a female. Chachi tells the bar owner that it was sexual discrimination and plans to find the feman a lawyer to help her sue him. The bar owner says that his nude dancers had to be ladies, but Chachi counters that they said nothing about having to be female. The bar owner challenged him to get a lawyer to sue him. Scotty informs the bar owner that he would end up losing his business if he doesn't unfire the feman dancer as he has no case to defend himself. The bar owner tells them all to leave. The feman dancer gathers her clothes and she and the five men leave in Scotty's Earnhardtian.
Scotty asks her where to drop her off. She says that her name was Jackie who took the dancing job to help her pay for her college education as she was studying to be a doctor. She tells Scotty to drop her off at her dorm inside the SDCU campus. Chachi gives Jackie a phone number for one of his favorite lawyers to contact before she leaves.
The five men return to their places on the east side of the main city cluster.
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