Mar 21: Vernalmas Holidays (Day 5-first Tuesday) Get out of the house and play day
Mar 21: Vernalmas Holidays: Equimas Day, the biggest holiday of the year (sort of like Christmas, Hanukkah, Ramadan, and Kwanzai rolled into one for anyone no matter who you are to celebrate as one of over six billion individual neurological affilliates of Mother Earth)
The biggest holiday of the calendar year had arrived at last. Equimas Day. A day when everybody exchanges gifts around a decorated and lighted bush.
During the early hours of the morning, Santo Pedro and his eight flying buffalo delivered the gifts to all of the homes in the El Zona realm.
Just before Santo Pedro arrives at Wendy and Jennifer's house, a fake Santo Pedro (Carl) breaks into the bedroom of Mindy (Mandy) and kidnaps her. Mindy, thinking that he's Santo, doesn't notice that it is her convict father that's taking her away.
Sunrise arrives in the El Zona realm. Wendy and Jennifer discover that their adopted daughter, Mindy, has been kidnapped and report it to the police.
D.T., Chachi, Scotty, and Lenny exchanged gifts.
Hoss finds some clues to the mysterious disappearrance of his 100,000 comedy music files, but can't seem to get a grip on where the attack came from.
Albert works on his secret project with his cloned sons helping him out.
The fake Santo (Carl) and Mindy hitch a ride on a truck and head east to Mount Cuckoomaca. They find a cabin to escape in. Mindy asks Carl, still dressed as the fake Santo, why he hasn't delivered any presents. The fake Santo (Carl) tells her that because Mandy is missing, Santo can't deliver the gifts anymore. Mindy asks why Mandy is needed. The fake Santo tells Mindy that Santo gives gifts only to people who are obedient and that Mindy has been so disobedient that she won't be able to get any gifts from Santo anymore.
Mindy asks Santo what can she do to get any more gifts. The fake Santo tells Mindy that the only way to get gifts is for Mindy to disappear and for Mandy to come back. Mindy tells the fake Santo that she's been good all year and deserves some gifts and that Santo is only thinking about himself. The fake Santo tells her to shut up and to get out of the dress and to get rid of that long hair. Mindy kicks the fake Santo in the groin. The fake Santo kneels over, and his mask falls off when his head hits the floor. Mindy is shocked to see that it was her abusive father who escaped from prison. Mindy screams loud. Carl (no longer as the fake Santo) hits Mindy and knocks her to the floor. Carl says that he wants his son back and for Mindy to get the hell out of his son's body. Mindy says that Carl is a bad man and cries for help. Carl tries to grab Mindy, but she runs away. Carl chases after her until Mindy is cornered. Carl begins to creep towards her and says that it's time for Mindy to leave forever and for Mandy to return to her body. Just when Carl got within a foot of Mindy, she pulls up her dress, whips out her p-nis, and pees into Carl's face. Carl was blinded and could not see...temporarily. Mindy escapes from Carl. Carl tries to run out, still blinded by Mindy's yellow water, but bumps into the walls. Carl yells that he's going to kill her for doing this and will kill her in order for Mandy to return.
Meanwhile, D.T., Scotty, Chachi, and Lenny, take a trip over to the house of Alyssa, Carlotta, and the little Merbabe and exchange gifts, have a holiday dinner, and watch some Equimas cartoon specials on DVD.
The radio dial, meanwhile, was polluted with Brian Radio pop music crud. People were tuning out in droves. The intercoms force-fed the music all over the realm. Kids were getting dumber. Women were getting fatter. Men were getting angrier. It's as if there was a master plan or something that was to corrupt the intelligence level of the citizens of El Zona. Who is behind this chaotic playlist that's heard all over the realm? Who is behind the vanishing of the 100,000 comedy music songs in the realm's mp3 databank? Who is behind replacing all of the interesting formats with small-brained concepts of Star, KISS, News/Talk, and others?
The Brian Radio virus had replaced all of the realm's collection of music such as electronica, bluegrass, anime, folk, novelty, filk, and blues with nothing but tried and true "proven" hits as seen on the strictly commercial trade magazines. The Brian Radio virus caused music collections on iPods to vanish, radio formats to be dumbed down with Brian's playlists, the public intercoms held hostage, and for independent music sales to suffer a decline in purchases.
Is the big four record labels behind this? Their only motive is to sell more and more of the same old songs people have already heard enough times in their lives, and all the labels have to offer to the middleagers is repackaged hits of songs they made popular when they were in high school. All that the teens of today have are a narrow range of genres such as hip hop, soft alternative, and R&B. The older listeners over the age of 49 are dead to the Brian Radio suits, so if you're 50 or older, you are basically useless to them, sort of like Logan's Run or something, so don't expect to hear any songs made before 1975 on the radio in El Zona anymore.
Wendy and Jennifer with their son Conan spent the day putting Equimas on hold until Mindy is returned to them. They say that there is no use for celebrating the holiday until she is returned safely home.
Mindy runs until she finds a castle near Mount La Goony. She crosses the draw bridge and enters the castle. She is greeted by some creepy looking man with an evil attitude, a small I.Q., and perverse ideas for Mindy.
Carl, asleep in the cabin, is awaken by four butch lesbians who ask him who the f--k is he? Barb, Marcie, Patty, and Ellen, were occupying the cabin for the week to celebrate the holidays together, and went out to hunt some game for the day. Carl made up a story about a bear that was chasing him. Barb, quickwitted, told Carl that there were no bears in the woods. Carl asks Barb what it was that was taking a s--t, the Pope? Barb pinned him to the wall and noticed that he had that deadly yellow water all over him. She asked Carl how that happened. Carl said that he was drunk and aimed it up instead of down. Barb finally had enough and she and her posse kicked Carl out of the cabin. Carl went into the woods to look for Mindy.
As nighttime fell, Albert finally finished his invention and will test it later to see how it operates.
Hoss and his computer detective crew trace the virus that wiped out is comedy music MP3 collection to a faulty trojan horse e-mail that somebody opened with Windows Internut Exploder and had Active XX scripting enabled. They find the e-mail that was the culprit but had trouble trying to decipher the headers to figure out its origin.
Myrtle has a feeling that Erica is up to something. Oops, I'm sorry. That belongs on the All My Children daily recap, not in this cybernovel. Sorry.
D.T., Scotty, Chachi, and Lenny take the girls, Alyssa, Carlotta, and the little Merbabe out across the border to M.J., or, Marijuana, Mehicle, for a night out bowing, pool, beer, and wild parties. They had to cross the border so they could escape Brian Radio without leaving the El Zono realm, but they'll gladly take Mexican techno-rap over Brian anyday.
The gang get drunk, get into fights, are arrested by the police, and are placed in the holding cell. Chachi makes a phone call to King Tallman Bail Bonds, and with that help, they are free on bail. The gang return back home and flopped onto their beds sound asleep.
Carl spends the night sleeping on a tree limb. His daughter/son, Mindy, spends the night in chains in a basement cell inside the castle of the strange man.
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