On this Vernalmas holiday, you can learn any about any uncopyrighted religion in any realm, except for Scientology, which is banned in the El Zona realm. You can't even view the South Park closet episode in El Zona, in fact, when Comedy Central first broadcasted the episode, satellite and cable relays were forced to black out the episode because it contained a primer on Scientology, which is a copyrighted religion invented by science fiction writer, the late L. Ron Hubbard, and therefore, is subject to government laws rather than separation of church (the public domain definition) and state. Since Scientology is copyrighted, then such works shall be the subject of government rule permitting or disallowing copyrighted works for dispensing into the public of the El Zona realm. So, since Scientology is copyrighted (I can't even quote what I find on the books), then the governing bodies are permitted to classify it as non-religious speech and can be subject to government censorship, therefore, copyrighted religions are banned until their copyrights expire after 95 years from the date they were registered with the federal government in the U.S. After which, a religion that is part of the public domain is no longer subject to censorship.
So if you live in El Zona, forget about learning Scientology because it's out. So Tom Cruise can forget about ever moving here.
You can learn about other religions such as Judiasm, Mormonism, Wiccan, Protestant, anything else, even Atheism since that's classified as a religion, or rather, lack of religion, and cannot be censored or regulated.
Most people learn about just one religion each year, getting the basics of what a religion is about and what it means to certain cultures and lifestyles, the traditions, the food, the dress code, the roles, the stories, the whole log. Under no circumstances is this day meant for others to trick or scare people into "recruitment" as this activity in that way is outlawed and subject to monetary fines.
Anyway, on this Sunday, most all of the stores are open 24 hours today as this is the biggest and longest Equimas shopping day of the year, just two days from the biggest holiday of the year. Now, let's get to the 4-D shopping centers. The fourth dimension in the mega shopping malls is all about going from megamall to megamall. There are transporters that take you between affilliated megamalls into different parts of the El Zona realm, so there's no need to drive your car all over the hundreds of freeways to do all of your shopping. Need to find something at a store that's not in megamall A? Just use the transporter and then you're at megamall B. Do your holiday shopping. Pay the cashier. Use the transporter to get back to megamall A. Then continue on.
Anyway, that morning, we decided to listen to my station, dfsxradio.com, but when we typed the domain in and hit RETURN, we were routed to an affilliate of that freakin' bad Brian Radio brand playing songs by Britney and Christina. This isn't my station! We tried to listen to ipartyradio.com playing dance, and the freakin' connection bounced and was rerouted to Brian Radio N Da Hood, a pop hip hop format. Gawd, that was awful. We tried Steve West's internet station radionigel.com, and we were getting Brian Radio 80's Love Songs by Barbra Streisand, Neil Diamond, and Air Supply. Brian is d--king us good. He must have launced a virus on the El Zona internet that causes queries for internet radio stations to be bounced back and land on random websites run by Brian Radio.
Fed up with what's going on, we shut down our computers. We couldn't believe how bad this has gotten on our music culture. This is Clear Channel and Jack gone amok, controlling what we should listen to instead of what we want to listen to. What's next? Our iPods? Well, guess what? Yup. The virus somehow shut those down, with the government explaining that we can't operate iPods in the El Zona realm since they could contain music that is not approved by the corporate suits of Brian Radio.
We don't know what's going on, but we still had to do some more Equimas shopping. So we got into our Earnhardtian and drove over to Wendy and Jennifer's house to pick them up and to meet their children.
I, Scotty, and Chachi drove over to their house and Wendy opened the door, kissed us three, and let us in.
Wendy and Jennifer introduced us to their baby son, Conan, named after the late night talk show host. They had the baby last year a few days before Equimas, so he just turned one the day before I reentered El Zona two days ago. They also introduced us to their eight-year-old adoped transgender daughter Mindy.
Scotty asked them about Mindy.
Wendy explains that Mindy is an Israeli girl who was kicked out of the Jewish religion by a rabbi because she wouldn't be a boy. Wendy tells the story of the traumatic experience of Mindy as she was growing up as Mandy just approaching her third birthday, thinking that she was one of her four older sisters and she wanted to be just like them, in fact, with long locks and dresses, Mandy became Mindy and she and her sisters had good times together.
Not so happy was her estranged father, Carl, a widower who lost his wife in a car accident caused by a drunk driver. He wanted Mandy to be a boy, but was so strongly influenced by his sisters that the boy simply became one of the girls.
Then, Mandy's third birthday finally arrived. It was time for the little Jew to be a boy at last, thinks Carl. It was his Upsherin Day, a day where boys get their first haircut and time for the boys to part ways with their long Jessica Simpson-ish locks.
Traditional Jews often wait until a boy's third birthday before giving him his first haircut. The haircut is then performed during a festive celebration called an upsherin. Upsherin means to "shear off" in Yiddish. It derives from the German words scheren, which means "to shear" and auf, which means "off."
This day proved to be a day of joy for the father, Carl, but it also proved to be a day of trauma for poor little Mandy who became so accustomed to being one of the girls, and therefore, selected to grow up as a girl, that this festive day became nothing but crying and screaming for Mandy as his locks got sheared off and his hair reshaped into a boy's hairstyle.
To Mandy, it was the end of the world. He no longer looked good to him. He didn't look right in a dress anymore with short lesbian butch hair. He didn't fit in with the girls anymore. The father ignored him, saying that he'll get over it and outgrow his desire to be one of the girls.
Well, by age five, it got worse, Mandy couldn't make friends with any of the neighboring girls like his sisters could. He couldn't fit in with the boys since they played far more rough and were more rogue than he could ever be. He became reclusive and very much had arrested development in terms of maturing.
When the time came to go to school, Mandy felt all alone in a crowd. He had trouble getting through kindergarten, the first, and second grades. He was confused, unable to figure out what he was and why he couldn't fit in. He couldn't make friends with the girls because they thought he was weird acting like one of them. He couldn't make friends with the boys because they thought he was a tomboy girl, always teasing him that he was a girl (though he had short hair and dressed like a boy). Mandy just couldn't fit in at all.
Numerous trips to child counselors were of no help. Mandy wasn't learning much of anything in school. Mandy wasn't getting along with anybody in school. Mandy was always in the house when not in school. He couldn't join the Boy Scouts because he was deemed to be homosexual. In short, Mandy was a complete misfit in school.
One day, Mandy was all alone in the house after getting home from school. His older sisters were doing post-school activities and his father, Carl, was still at work. His neighbor, Mrs. Robson, minded Mandy and the house until they would return. Mrs. Robson turned on the TV to watch one of the daytime shock talkers for female shut-ins. I guess it was Jerry Zinger or some other talker on cable. Anyway, one of the guests on the talker was transsexual Isreali singer Dana International, and she looked like one of the most successful male-to-female subjects to ever have the operation. She talked about her childhood, growing up as an ugly boy and triumphing as a beautiful female superstar adored by millions of fans worldwide.
This was the day that changed Mandy's outlook of life. He asked Mrs. Robson if he could ever be like her. She said, "If you have a dream and you hold onto it, it will eventually come true in your lifetime. If you want to become a woman when you grow up, then nothing should stand in your way."
Mandy then asked Mrs. Robson that could he run away from his father because he wouldn't let him become one of the girls. She asked him why. Mandy explained that when he lost his hair when he turned three, he lost everything including his dream. He had no friends, his sisters dindn't treat him like one of them anymore, and his father often beat him up for having the lowest grades amongst his five children.
Mrs. Robson asked him if he would like to have Child Protective Services take him into custody and report his father Carl to the police for hate crimes against transgender children. Mandy says that his father loves him and wouldn't do it, but Mrs. Robson explained to Mandy that what Carl wants is only for his own greed and doesn't really care about Mandy at all. After a few minutes, Mandy was convinced that he should be taken out of the family and put up for adoption.
So, Mrs. Robson called Child Protective Services and asked them to talk to Mandy about his wishes. They came up to the house after Carl returned from work, and they served Carl with a warrant to seize Mandy for reasons of child endangerment and hate crimes committed against him. Carl was outraged and refused, but the men came over and Mandy greeted them, asking them to take him away from the house. Carl tried to stop them, but was threatened with arrest and was ordered to not say a word until he consulted with a lawyer as, later on, Carl was served with a lawsuit from the lawyers representing Child Protective Services acting for Mandy seeking emancipation (divorcement of Mandy from his father Carl) and hate crimes committed against Mandy. Mrs. Robson would act as an representative for Mandy in the courtroom case.
After a courtroom proceeding, the judge determined that Mandy should be removed from his father's house, and that Carl be charged with a hate crime after determining that Mandy was fooled somehow into thinking that he was being raised as a girl (seeing that he was emulating his four sisters) and his mental facilities were behaving so much like a girl that it was impossible for Mandy to be raised as a boy. So, Mandy was released to an special orphange specializing in gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and otherwise multigender children, while his father Carl was sent to prison for ten years for hate crimes committed against Mandy. Mandy's sisters were put into the custody of Mrs. Robson since Carl and his deceased wife had no immediate families to take in the four girls.
The transgender child psychologists determined somehow that Mandy should become Mindy, a girl, and proceeded to implant Mandy with special time-release hormones that would help him grow up into a woman as he reached puberty with female proportions and breasts (though Mindy would have a p--is and t--ticles).
The staff at the special orphange went to a hair-extension center to fit Mindy with natural long-lasting hair extensions. Being a brunette, it was easy to camoflauge the procedure. Soon, Mandy was transformed into Mindy, and was outfitted with dresses. Mindy was elated and overjoyed and how she looked as she never felt that good since the day before her third birthday and was forced to become a boy against her wishes something like having Natalie Portman getting a Sinead O'Connor bald style in the recent movie "V is for Vendetta."
It was shortly after Equimas 2008 when Wendy and Jennifer answered a want ad looking for a special child to adopt. They looked at all of the children, but they took one look at Mindy and Wendy was stricken with love, wanting to adopt her. Jennifer hesitated, but when Mindy greeted Jennifer saying how good she looked in her long dress, Jennifer was convinced that Mindy was the girl they wanted to adopt.
But there was one bad news. The rabbi, the one that cut Mindy's hair on her third birthday, came in to visit Mindy and was shocked to see what was going on. He determined that Mindy wasn't fit for the Jewish religion and was dismissed for violating one of their rules about sexuality, on whatever it is that it is written in. Wendy, a former Jew, dismissed the rabbi as a transgenderphobe. The rabbi countered that lesbians shouldn't adopt children. Wendy countered that he was a feman, a feminine male, often called a shemale, and has sired a child with her wife Jennifer. The rabbi was so angry about this matter that he left in a huff.
So, that's the story on how Mindy came to be, but her wish to Santo Pedro was to find and to meet her four Jewish sisters, who were put up for adoption after Mrs. Robson passed away due to cancer and could not be found in any orphange.
Baby Conan at age one said to Wendy that he would become a strong man and to help her find her lost sisters.
Chachi said to Mindy that he would buy her a princess dress that would make her look like the lady in Beauty and the Beast. She wanted to look like Salma Hayek. Chachi said alright.
Anyway, I, Scotty, Chachi, Mindy, Wendy, and Jennifer (baby Conan stayed with a babysitter) drove to the megamall in the El Zono Loco city to do some Equimas shopping. I went into the Radio Shark store to look for some new MP3 players. Scotty went to the auto parts store to see how he could soup up his new Earnhardtian automobile. Jennifer went to shop at a DVD store. Chachi went with Wendy and Mindy to shop for dresses for Mindy. As they were going up the escalator, two pre-teen boys took out their binoculars to look up the ladies' dresses. When they saw the bulges underneath Wendy and Mindy, the boys got grossed out and threw up onto the floor.
When the boys recovered, a hot blonde female spotted the boys, and asked them if they wanted to look up her short skirt while ascending up, the boys panicked and fleed from the escalator. The hot blonde was perplexed.
Anyway, after all of the shopping was done, they went over to the T & A & W fast food drive-in where the female bellhops were totally hot with the nicest T's and the finest A's, but some of them happened to have a W, but that didn't matter since they were truly equal opportunity employers.
One of the T-girl bellhops, Susanna, the co-owner of the place, came over and greeted Wendy. She was a former boy like Wendy was when they were once boys growing up together in a sexuality opressed time of the lives, aka the dark ages of the 60s and 70s. Susanna greeted Mindy and said that when she gets old enough, she could be a bellhop like her and eventually own a store of her own.
We ordered a bunch of burgers, fries, malts, and colas to celebrate the end of our Equimas shopping spree and enjoyed a great night of eating while watching a free drive-in movie on the giant screen facing us. Whatever it was about wasn't important, but it had cute girls acting dumb and somewhat ugly guys with money trying to hook up with one of them.
We dropped off the ladies and their gifts at their house. I, Scotty, and Chachi drove back to Scotty's house and listened to Dr. Demento on the Internet (Albert figured out a way to bypass the Brian Radio interceptors so we could listen), watched the Fox and Cartoon Network cartoon shows, and listened to some of our comedy MP3s while wrapping up the gifts. Chachi went back home. I and Scotty spent the night in separate rooms.
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