What's My Beef!

In the clearest sign yet of worsening problems, McDonald's surprised Wall Street Tuesday by announcing that next month it will post its first quarterly loss in its 47-year history.

Well, it's no wonder that McDonald's is loosing its customers. People want fast food without all the fat! That's why Subway Sandwiches have overtaken McDonald's as the most popular fast food chain mostly on the strength of selling large sandwiches with as little as six grams of fat per serving.

McDonald's, and for that matter, Wendy's, Burger King, Jack in the Box, Carls Jr., In-N-Out, Rally's, and all those other burger joints will soon be realizing that the days of dominating the fast food landscape with 49 cent hamburgers and double cheese and bacon burgers filled with way more saturated fat than is safe to eat in a day are going the way of the dinosaur.

With the news about people suing fast foods because they didn't know that eating Big Macs and Whoppers full of fat from red meat, cheese (made with animal fats), bacon (high in fat), and topped with mayonaise (also high in fat) are harmful to their health. The french fries, baked in a vat with some kind of animal fat in it such as beef tallow, can also do your arteries harm if eaten regularily as well, and some religions are planning or have sued McDonald's restaurants because it is against their religion to eat beef as they hold the cow as sacred (not a joke). Their religion has also aided them from knowlingly consuming the bovines full of harmful fats.

So what's a burger joint to do nowadays? They keep making their fatty burgers cheaper and bigger. We see double cheeseburgers for 99 cents. We see 3-ounce burgers with just ketchup and pickle for 39 cents. We see triple bacon cheddar cheeseburgers. We see six dollar burgers full of fat selling for four bucks. I guess these burger joints have run out of ideas.

No wait! They're selling chicken sandwiches! They're less in fat (without the cheese, bacon, and mayo), so they must be better for you than the beef burgers. So we can go back to the burger places again, right?

WRONG! The Chicken Whopper is about $1.50 more expensive than the beef Whoppers. Too much money! The other joints are selling chicken burgers marked up to twice as much as their beef counterparts. Why don't these stupid fast food outlets such as Burger King raise the prices on the beef burgers so that they can bring down the price of their chicken burgers? That makes sense.

McDonalds and Jack in the Box are now selling chicken burgers for a buck. Cool, except that all I get is the chicken patty, buns, and perhaps some dressing. This is a sandwich? You get what you pay for.

While these burger joints are using cheap eats to get people into their restaurant, they are also pushing their more expensive three-four dollar sandwiches and burgers that are way overpriced while loosing money on selling the cheaper burgers instead of getting people to buy their more expensive sandwiches.

I have never bought a three-dollar chicken sandwich (unless it's a buy one-get one free coupon), and never will. I also never will buy a beef burger again in my life. I'm saying, bring down the price of the chicken burgers, and raise the price of the beef burgers, then all will be fair for the rest of us.

Now the restaurants are offering salads, but the ones from Wendy's are given a "B", but they need to add some broccoli and replace the cheese with carrots. The veggie sandwich from Burger King needs a major makeover with added spices to the patty. Jack in the Box needs to add fat-free veggie (again with broccoli, brussel sprouts, and carrots) tacos, two for 99 cents. McDonald's needs to get rid of their stupid Salad Shakers and offer hefty sized salads like Wendy's does; at least they're offering yogurts, though a bit on the overpriced side of the scale.

The french fries need to be cooked in fat-free oils, and I do mean no animal stuff whatsoever. I quit eating the fries when I found out that it costs the restaurant about 30 cents to make a $2 size of fries. So how can Der Weinerschnetzel get away with selling chili and fries for 99 cents! The restuaurants should be engaging in a french fry war instead of the burger war!

While we're at it, I prefer potato wedgies that are chunky instead of the overboiled dried-up sticks that have no flavor. Why are those fries still thin and overpriced?

Now, we get to the last item on the fast food menu: drinks. What's the deal with the selection? Coke or Pepsi? Upsets my stomach! Diet Sodas? Still has caffiene! How about a 32 ounce glass of water for 25 cents! That's all I need; no sugar or caffiene!

But there's no need to complain about the idiot fast food places. Just go to Subway to get some big long subs for $5 and get 1/4 of the fat you get with a Big Mac. Go to Rubios' for low-fat fish tacos and mexican eats. Go to Rice King to eat some veggies, chop suey, and rice and get little fat along the way, though they are way overdue to be selling tofu once again.

In the new millenium, fast food means eating without all the fat, healty, flavorful, and in big portions, In the old millenium, fat burgers once ruled the fast food kingdom, but not anymore.

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