What's My Beef!

We had Atari 2600, ColecoVision, Vectrex, Odyssey, Intellivision, and many other game systems where you can just buy a cart, brief yourself in 5 minutes how the game is played, getting the whole thing in your mind, then playing the game. Using a simple joystick with one or two buttons, your hand had simple fast access to whatever you needed to use whether it was moving the spaceship up or down or shooting a missle. Games were very simple then.

It was an innocent time in video games where the shootem ups were whimsical and simple, there were just dots and dashes moving all over the place, basketball players looked like praying mathisses, and sports games were simple yet engaging.

Fast forward to 2001. We have the upcoming suXbox, the dreaded Phone Lamestation Screw, the awful Nintendope 65,536 or whatever, and other video game systems that have simply gotten too big and bloated to interest me. Intstead of simple joysticks, we have puzzling controllers of 2-3 joysticks and 27 buttons each doing different things at different times whatever they do. Games are just too fast to play. People look too real when they get blown up. It takes a lousy play manual the size of War and Peace just to get down the basics. Finally, the games are just plain expen$ive for the amount of work involved into learning how these damn games are played.

The sports games such as John Madden Football 2002 are ok, but the umteenth sequel of Mario Brothers are getting long and boring at best. The 3-D graphics are so dizzying that I got seasick playing my mom's Nintendope that I threw up during Super Mario Whatever. Looking at Mr. Burns naked was far less painful on my bowels. Where is the pink stuff?

The lineup of video games out today for these complex systems are so duplicated with clones of clones of clones of Tetris and Doom and Lara Croft that I just don't see how these video game manufacturers could be surviving putting out such a lineup of assembly line quality. Where's the new Pac Mans and Space Invaders? Where's the new Asteroids and Missle Commands? Where's the new Donkey Kongs and Pong Sports? Where's the new Atari Adventures and Slot Racers? Where's the new Froggers and Megamanias?

This is what I want to see in video games: originality, simplicity, quick to learn, easy to play, designed to amuse instead of shock, and best of all, inexpensive!

When I am done with a complex workday, I don't want to work with a videogame. I want to play with it! The stupider the game, the better for me. Give me something like Redneck Pac Man or Adam Sandler Space Invaders.

The video games back in the 80's were simple and fun and that's the way I liked it! Junk the Nintendope! Bring back the Atari!

Next Week: Three DVD Audio Formats...Why?

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